Dystopian dreams

I used to think I wanted a crazy love, that I wanted a love that will defy all sanity. But as I have gotten older, I’ve gotten wiser. 

I want peace, I want to feel safe, I want someone genuinely interested in me. I don’t want to be looking over my shoulder or wondering who the man I am in love with is talking to behind my back or when I’m not around. 

I don’t want want crazy anymore. Yes I would love to be THE object of all his desires, yes I want him to be crazy about me and me crazy about him, but in a healthy way. I don’t want my mind to be given the chance to run amuck with anxious thoughts and always worrying if I am all he wants. 

I want someone that KNOWS what the fuck they want. I don’t want to be the girl they go to when they’re caught in the middle of an existential crisis or mid-life crisis. I don’t want the man to come to me broken, to nurse his ego and confidence back so he can leave me and go find his true love or find the confidence to fuck everything pretty in heels. 

I want someone that sees me and wants to stay. I don’t mind broken, I am broken. We all are broken a little. Why is it so fucking hard to find a man that will bring me peace and make me feel safe? I know this can’t be a dystopian dream! 

A man that loves me will find a way to talk to me or see me every day. I wont be too much or too little for him. He won’t be able to sleep knowing I am upset or hurt. He will move mountains to make sure my heart feels his love. 

Maybe I am silly for wanting this or believing it is even possible, but I feel it in my bones. I know I am worth the kind of love I can give. I just need one man to realize it. He’s out there somewhere, waiting for my love. I feel him thinking of me too, wondering where I am.