Chasing hunger

We’ve mistaken hunger for love and consumption for connection.

Yet the things that sustain us have always been quieter: respect, companionship, affection, patience and safety.

We trade them for intensity;

obsession instead of presence, 

attention instead of understanding,

possession instead of intimacy, 

performance instead of truth.

It’s all spectacle.

And when the noise fades, and the validation trails off, there’s nothing left to devour or consume. So we find ourselves surrounded by everything we thought we wanted, and starving for the things we actually need.  And wondering why we still feel so empty. 

But have we mistaken hunger for love? Or have we chosen it? 

Hunger is exciting, where love is often quiet, hunger is pursuit, and love is presence, hunger is longing, where love is acceptance. Hunger keeps us moving, when love asks us to stay and let’s be real, staying is much harder than people are willing to admit. Because the idea of, “if I remain hungry, then I can continue chasing and I can continue fantasizing, and I can continue consuming, then I can continue believing that fulfillment exists just beyond the next corner. 

We did not mistake hunger for love. We romanticize hunger because it feels more profound. We overlook love, because it can feel ordinary. 

Love doesn’t offer that; love says, sit down and be here. You are enough. Love is enough. 

Love is the nourishment we are craving, while blindly seeking obsession and excitement. But love - love is grace, love is safety. Love is a place to rest. Love is somewhere nothing is being demanded of you except to just be you. I think this is what we all want. We want the radical idea that our existence, even in the quiet, is enough. 

Social media distorts this reality. It makes our heartbreaks, our obsessions, our conflicts, our grande declarations visible. But devotion is quiet, it doesn’t need an audience. The tragedy is that we have built a culture that documents attention and overlooks presence. We chase visibility while starving to be known. We demand to be heard, yet forget how to listen.

And if love is grace, if love is safety, if love is a place to rest, then why do we keep choosing hunger?

Capable

Everyone admires the strength. 
Few notice the weight that built it.

They praise the shoulders that never bend, while remaining blind to the burden that made them broad. 

Capability is celebrated. The cost is rarely acknowledged.

These veins

These veins,
they bleed stories of survival.

My wounds do not weep;
they harden.

I will not tear open the scars
that prove I have healed.

I will collect them,
for they are my stories to tell.

They keep my heart soft
and let my soul triumph.

Monarch

He is the monarch that cannot change his opinion once he has made up his mind. He expresses his thoughts eloquently, owing to the amount of forethought and preparation he has put into them. He may spend his life putting his head first, but that does not imply he cannot articulate his heart: he is governed by his actions, and still, he is a master of his words. 

Yesterdays

Yesterday, I got to spend over an hour on the phone with each of my adult children — real conversations, full of laughter, honesty, stories, memories, and love. Every single moment felt like a gift I never want to take for granted.

As a mother, there is nothing more beautiful than realizing your children still want to share their lives with you once they’ve grown. That they still call. Still talk. Still let you into their hearts.

With Mother’s Day only days away, I’m sitting here overwhelmed with gratitude. Not for perfection, but for connection. For trust. For love that has grown deeper with time.

I don’t know what I did to deserve a day like yesterday, but I know this: I have never felt more lucky, more loved, or more thankful to be their mom. 

…as if I was prey

I offered grace to those who gnawed at it, confusing my softness with weakness, as if I was prey.

I cut them off, my blade simply severed the damage they already inflicted. 

Where to begin..

Dad,

I don’t even know where to begin, because there aren’t enough words to hold everything you are to me.

You are strength in its truest form, not just in what you’ve endured, but in how you’ve lived. An Army Ranger, a fighter, a man who has faced more than most ever will… and still, somehow, you’ve remained gentle, present, and full of life. You’ve carried the weight of so much - your health, your battles, your scars - and yet you still show up every single day as a loving husband, a devoted father, and the best papa anyone could ask for.

You are a rare kind of man. You can do anything, build, cook, write, lead, and you do it all with a quiet confidence that commands respect without ever demanding it. You walk into a room and change it, not because you try to, but because of who you are. And that laugh of yours… it’s one of my favorite sounds in the world.

You’ve always been there for me. Steady. Strong. Loving. You are the one I go to for everything; for advice, for truth, for clarity. You’ve never let me walk through this world blindly, and you’ve never let me settle for less than I deserve. You’ve protected me in ways I don’t even think you fully realize.

And maybe this is selfish… but I don’t want to imagine this life without you in it. I don’t want a world where I can’t call you, where I can’t hear your voice, where I don’t have you to go to when I need guidance or when life feels too heavy. You’re not just my dad, you are my foundation. You are my safe place.

I know you’re tired. I know you’ve been through more than most people could even imagine. And I know you don’t want more procedures, more hospitals, more fighting. But I need you to know how deeply you are loved. How much you matter, not just for everything you’ve done, but for who you are just by being here.

I don’t know what comes next, and that’s the hardest part. But what I do know is this: having you as my dad is one of the greatest blessings of my life. You have shaped me, protected me, and loved me in a way that I will carry forever.

You are the standard for every man in my life. No one compares. No one ever will.

I love you more than I could ever fully say… and I’m not ready to let you go.

But more than anything, I want whatever gives you peace, strength, and more time with us, because every moment with you is something I will never take for granted.