Embracing truths...

So my horoscope says I need to embrace the new direction my romantic affairs are taking. And well - I pushed through some very pressing questions and got some very surprising answers recently. Honestly, I didn't expect the responses I got and it was somewhat refreshing. So for now another renewed faith in this whole new process of "seeing someone". So I thought I'd open myself up a little bit more to this and truly embrace it. Not for the idea of a horoscope but because I was wanting something to progress too quickly. I kind of like that things are moving slowly. I have so many responsibilities that need tending to and take priority, that I don't have to time to put all my focus on one person.

Its good for me to learn how to balance things. And I'm just a one person kind of girl, so dating several people is just not my thing. It is what it is and I am who I am. This is a learning process for me, I learn more introspectively about myself all the time.

Hanging out and having a good time works for me. I'm remaining positive and keeping in mind that this isn't just about me. It's good to keep things in perspective.

Let's Dance

Digging my heels in deep and they're stilettos so good luck, baby! Best to know your opponent before engaging them. I don't back down from a challenge, I don't yield and I never let anyone just win. Sure you've had more practice and you're used to breaking hearts. You get what you want and you discard so quickly. You play tough but you're not as hard-bitten as you pretend. A moment of weakness, and I recognized the fragility from before. It was faint - at first, but now I know. So when you see me smirking and smiling, maybe its your jokes and sarcastic sense of self-depricating humor or maybe I know you're letting your guard down. And deep down inside I know your just a sweet little pussycat, tiger. You like me. You don't want to and I see you fighting it, but you do. You didn't expect to, you like having your options open. It's okay, I'll dance this one with you.

Stray thoughts

Normally it would be very therapeutic to write and post my thoughts. Yet somehow, I can't pull one tangible subject to apply my focus. Instead, one idea races in just as quickly as the other has made it's pitch. A sign of ADD, perhaps. lol! Truth is, I have so much to say, I just don't know where to begin. So - I will ponder over these things that plaque my mind. Sort through them and circle back...

Hoping all is well in love, dating and relationships - as many are still basking in the fervor and glow of Valentine's Day. (not me) But one can always be hopeful and happy for everyone else!

Be mine

Today could go one or the other, affectionately speaking. It can be the greatest day filled with the promise of love, joy and happiness. Or it can be filled with sorrow and sadness. If you are with someone you truly care about it can be a glorious day. Just to be near that special someone, can lift your spirits to new heights. When you are alone, there is a tremendous sadness and the pain can be overwhelming. For all of you sharing in a passionate sweet opportunity to share your affections with someone special, I hope you remember to count your blessings. Valentine's day is said to be an incredibly romantic day for couples. It can be the loneliest day for those of us searching for someone to return our affections.

Today, I will smile for all of you that have that special someone. I will also smile for those of us still burning bright with eternal hope that we will find our special someone.

Happy Valentine's!

Falling from grace..

We are strong intelligent, independent, beautiful women. We take charge of our lives. We raise our kids. We care for our families. We make good conscious life changing decisions. We work and pay our bills. We're there for our friends. And we are the party.

Why is it when we find a guy, we put him on a pedestal, lose ourselves, make crazy irrational choices and then get walked on? We are fabulous women. We know what we want. We become consumed by the moment, romanticising amidst the lies and deceit and then get played? How do we fall from grace? Every other aspect of our life is well managed and carefully thought out. We become so wrapped up in the wrong guys. Sure at first we don't see it, even though it eventually it is quite apparent - we choose to look the other way or ignore it. We live with this idea of what we know they are capable of and the notion that that is what they will ultimately revert back to and fix all the wrongs and make it right. This isn't an imagined. It isn't silly. This isn't a self projection. This is based on their words and actions. At one time, this was how they presented themselves. We start to wonder if there's something wrong with us, because things start to go wrong. We begin to compromise our beliefs and try to accomodate their needs, forgeting our own. We lose sight of reality. Accepting the redundant apologies, always waiting.

But then somewhere along the way our eyes are opened. We begin to see things we wished we hadn't. At first, we beat ourselves up, angry that we allowed things to happen. But then theres a calm. Clarity at last! And yes, we take back control. We channel the pain. We use it to right the wrongs and begin to rebuild. Defiant and fierce we remember what we are worth and how undeserving they've been.

And just like that...I came to my senses. I walked away. I was in love with a man that only loved himself. All the details of my life came together. I realized this man isn't the poster child for all men. I knew I had just picked the wrong one and while I allowed myself to be manipulated - he was a bad man. I'm a better woman, not because of him - but because of me. I'm too strong to let it happen again. And I smile now when I think of how I pulled from strength I never knew I had. My friends and family that were there for me.

There are good men out there. There are good women out there. And everyday I see people coming together with the promise of happiness and hope.

Shy girl...

So my friend is what you might call a little shy. She recently met someone that she thinks is "delicious". She is on a date with him tonight, actually. She says they have been talking and she really likes him. She has never felt this kind of chemistry and attraction toward anyone like this before. Inferring that she came to the conclusion that if the night goes well she felt comfortable enough to take matters in her own hands. She says he's quite the gentleman. What's this you say? A gentleman? It's not just a physical attraction, because you can certainly tell she is smitten. She is torn between compromising herself for pure unadulterated lust... and holding back. Is it so wrong that she wants this for herself? Personally, I think she deserves to do what she wants. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it's between the two of them and if that's what moves her, she's a grown woman capable of making good and safe decisions. I hope she has fun. I hope the date and the evening bend in her favor. And I hope he's just as crazy about her...

Special Guest or Foolish Girl

And just like that - I learned exactly where I fit, "categorically speaking"! A facebook posting too hastily written with little thought to his friends putting him on blast. Maybe some means for approval from friends or the 'special guest'? (ahh technology!) And so I learned just what he felt I was worth. That makes someone else the Special Guest, and yes - I'm the Foolish Girl. I got played...do you want to know why I got played? I thought he was going to be different and be honest. Listen, at first he was on the level. He set the boundaries. Why not tell the truth?? Why bother with the whole I'm seeing you, but I may see other people?? If ultimately faced with the reality of the boundaries you drew in the sand and set forth you are going to lie?? Here I go...I gave the opportunity for him to ante up. Why didn't he? No - don't tell me this is all some big misunderstanding. Really??? He broke plans with me. My life can get complicated and quickly, it's not easy to make plans. So yeah, hell yeah I'm upset!

Yes, I am still trying to figure out exactly what it is that I want. I thought I wanted this, because it was trying on something different. Truth is at heart I really just want that one someone that I can date and see. No, no relatioship. I still want my freedom for my family and friends and myself. I laid down my boundaries. So, I played along, I tried the 'just the friend thing'. Who was I kidding? Still, it hurts more than I'm willing to admit. I liked him alot and for a moment I wanted it to go somewhere. Foolish girl for thinking that it sorta kinda was starting to...go somewhere. He is a true player, he pulled me in because he wanted to I didn't imagine all of it. Damn it! Why did I see more to him than he credits himself or maybe I just forged a connection, because I really wanted one?

You can't break my spirit or put out my fire!

Dating your ex?

So I met a few friends out the other night. Some I had not seen in a while and another that I see often. It wasn't uncomfortable but it was odd, that my friend was with her ex. Which is complicated because technically they're not divorced. And the split is fresh within the last year and they're sorting through the details bcause they have a child. Now for all implicit purposes she has moved on, and he is aware of it too. Then why is she dating her ex? Now, he is of the impression that things can be worked out. She doesn't want to lose him as a friend. Part of her doesn't want to let go. But she is ready to move on with her life. At what point does she sever it? Should she? Better still - can you still hold onto a friendship with your ex, if your ex still has a thing for you? Isn't is misleading for both of you? And won't it complicate any relationship in the future - let alone the idea of dating altogether?? Not all relationships end badly, but how and when can you be friends with the ex?

Approval from friends and family...

I have been a slacker! It's been days since I've been on here and shame on me.

A friend of mine is seeing this guy. Their relationship is fresh and fairly new...seeing each other for a little over a month. Things seem to be going well...for now. But it's an awkward sticky phase. Kind of that point where you don't know where you are yet. Things are going good and you want them to progress but progress to what exactly? There are still some individually complicating issues, and that uncertainty of what the other one is thinking or wanting. Signs are there that say maybe but at the same time - it's oh so confusing. The sex is phenomenal...and even the friendship is gaining momentum and building. He seems to be caring and thoughtful and she goes out of her way for him. But where is it going? Who knows? Guess we all just have to wait and see what happens... Neither of them wants the pressure of a relationship. Oddly, it seems they're both kind of fighting something that may be a good thing. And furthermore, what kind of advice is ole boy getting from his friends? Her friends tell her to date other guys - don't limit yourself, you owe him nothing. But inherently she can't help but feel drawn to him and feel as though she'd be disloyal in dating other guys. Is he in fact dating other women? Is he testing her? They get along just fine...but I think maybe the next step is exposing each other to their friends.

Why do our friends and family have such a great impact on how we will or won't accept that somebody new? For some of us our friends have been along for the ride since we were children. We have close families and we share intimate details of our lives with friends and family. Sometimes they see something we may not be capable of seeing. It doesn't mean their word is the 'be all end all' but we do value their opinion. Do your friends and family have an impact on whom you may or may not get involved with?

Patience

I've avoided the topic of sex long enough. Let me just dive right in. I wanted to get a few other issues and thoughts out there first. A friend recently shared in the joy of having their first child. I guess you could say frustrations of a another sort prevail. Mommy just had a baby, so she is still a little hormonal, not feeling 100%, her body bearing the mark of having had a baby - she is recovering and this can be a long healing process. Adjusting to the needs of a newborn can be incredibly exhausting and add a lot of pressure to a relationship. Daddy shares in the responsibilities. He is supportive and has discovered a new 'fondness' or perhaps just a stirring of affections for Mommy. He is finding Mommy's returning glow and curves to be oh so inviting. Finding time and getting her in the mood - well, that doesn't come as easily. While they have had a few cherished moments since the newest addition to the family, my friend feels its just not enough.

We all have needs and for some of us our sex drive may be a bit higher. But is he asking for too much too soon? He says he tells her how beautiful she is, he respects and loves her but in his mind - he doesn't want to keep his hands off her. She is struggling to get that confidence and sexiness back that she needs to feel to have or want sex. Don't get me wrong. For men it seems a bit simpler, men are so aesthetic and women need connection. Having spontaneous unbridled passionate hot sex can be the kitty cat's meow...and I'll save that for another conversation. His question is geared toward needing advice on how to approach this rather sensitive subject without coming across selfish and uncaring. He wants her know that he also wants to meet her needs. All he can do is be patient. She is the object of his affection, but he genuinely feels slightly neglected. He understands and accepts a baby brings compromise and changes aspects of the relationship. But he really really really wants his wife. Keep your head up, keep telling her how beautiful and sexy she is - eventually the heat will return and get turned up and all will get back in sync. If the baby is napping, steal a moment. Romance her. Give her a backrub or a footrub. She will reward you. Who knows?? Just give it time. Try not to get frustrated. And if you're going to approach it, be gentle and kind and loving. She loves you and knows you have needs.

Someone

A gorgeous girlfriend of mine recently became single. (look out boys!) It was a very long, very tumultuous relationship. Needless to say she is very comforted to be done with it. We got to talking about the advantages and disadvantages of dating. She expressed that she had a few guys lined up and was enjoying the attention and having fun with being single. It strokes the ego and it makes you feel wanted. There have been moments when none of those vying for her affections were interesting. Maybe they were players, liars, or just plain boring. What she said next was no shock to me, it was so easy to relate. While there was attention and she was dating and seeing what her options are - she really just wanted ONE guy that she could see. One guy that would take her out, one guy that she could talk and flirt with, one guy she could enjoy those torrid and sexy seductive moments. Sure it's fun to date - but it can also be exhausting and draining. How many do you have to date to find someone that you can actually enjoy some companionship? She was adamant about not wanting a boyfriend, no committment and no pressure, just that one guy she could call a friend and enjoy time spent. If it developed into something over time - great. If it didn't at least she wouldn't fall apart. Why is it so hard to to try to impress a small degree of exclusivity on the one you're seeing? Yeah - some say that would make them your boyfriend/girlfriend...whatever! I understand what she is talking about. Allow me to try to explain. This would be someone that's into you, like you are into them. Someone willing to take it slow. Someone willing to spend time with you but also willing to give you your space. Someone honest. It's so confusing. How can you feel like you want to be attached one moment and the next you don't? And not because you're keeping your options open...but because you still wanted time to focus on yourself, your family and friends. Understandably if things are meant to be eventually your worlds begin to co-mingle. And no, we are not laying the expectation on that one person that they are the ONE. We aren't ready for that either. We're just good people trying to find someone good to enjoy time with for a while.

Does your faith affect your relationship? Friend of mine is an atheist or is it an agnostic??...they don't necessarily believe in a higher power. Their significant other is recently saved and quite devout in their new found faith. So much so - that while it was an unspoken respected difference, it has become a sore spot and a taboo topic. My friend was going to approach the subject to help their significant other to understand that they believe differently. My friend doesn't impose their beliefs and would expect likewise in return. This was a expectation laid out and agreed upon previously. Now the significant other is becoming critical and crossing boundaries with serious undertones. (my personal opinion - not very Christian like) Somehow, this may turn out to be a deal breaker. Is faith a deal breaker for you? And why? Isn't it okay for people to agree to disagree? A little input....

From innocence to innuendo

How is it that most conversations with even my friends imply innuendo on an otherwise casual topic. Truly. It doesn't matter who I am talking to - (save for family) my conversations always somehow surround some kind of innuendo. I am sexual by nature, and I don't deny that often my thoughts revolve around sex. Never mind that I have a terrible gift of turning the most innocent of conversations into something wicked, deviant and perhaps a few too many overtures, never mind your gender. What's worse is people pick up on it instantly and egg me on. And it's fun since we all get a good laugh. I get tickled pink, and I like that I can brighten somebody else's day and even make the unblushable blush. It's just plain flirting and playing for me. No it's not an inclination that I'm worldly or slutty. I'm just very comfortable with my sexuality. And if I feel sexy or can make someone else feel sexy that is very empowering. Am I alone in this??

Romance isn't dead...

I know of only three truly extraordinary relationships. I guess most would say I was lucky to know at least three relationships that were successful. I've often wondered what element is so instrumental in achieving such bliss. My powers of observation yielded this...respect, companionship (they truly enjoy each other's company), trust, love and great sense of humor. Surely there are other factors, but these are the most evident. They truly respect each other. With an unbelievable sense of equality! Never mind that their differences compliment each other very well. They also laugh at lot and are playful. Communicative skills surpass all others. I've even witnessed brutal truths and somehow the resiliency is overwhelming. An uncanny ability to agree to disagree on matters. Silly things. Like food or who they think is hot. They are confident when they are with and away from each other. And only one of these relationships is a reflection of my generation. The other two are my parents generation. One of those couples being my parents. Since all five of my brothers and I left home, my parents have reconnected on the most incredible level. They are one of those cute old couples that is actually growing old together and happy. There's is of a truly fortuitous nature.

So sometimes when I think I watch too many romantic comedies or read too many fairytales to indulge the hopeless romantic residing in me. (Yes, despite all the pain and the failed relationships) When I look around I still believe chivalry isn't dead. I still believe we all will get the chance to be happy. Perhaps there are no fairytale endings. Maybe, hopefully it will play out more like a romantic comedy. Maybe it will just be a new story to tell. Yeah. I like that...

Indifferent

All has been quiet. Real quiet. Too quiet. I'm too indifferent right now to have an opinion. And it's probably better that I leave it as it is...and just allow things to flow on their own. I kind of like not having to read into every little thing. It's liberating. Friends is good. No pressure. Okay...Okay I can't deny it, I want to reach out to him. And I will but I will tomorrow. And I'll just be me. In only the way that I can be. *wink*