Wreckage

I had been here before

amongst the wreckage of people 

with their drunk hearts and empty souls

mindless chatter and phony smiles

making their way through the crowd

hoping to find a reprieve, a glimpse of themselves in another’s

challenged eyes and reckless 

banter

had I also not wanted to be there

to live inside another’s eyes

to be kept safe 

to feel fleeting joy and hungered for approval 

for I too had wished away my anonymity 

I too had sold my soul 

and as I looked around

feeling little of what I needed 

for what I wanted would not be found here

a sense of not belonging 

discontent and dejectedly out of place

to bide my time I bleated on with the sheep

and then

in a swift and glorious moment I walked away

I would not be angry with myself

I would not be angry with them

I would simply be

looking back I now know

that this is where I found myself 

I will be good

I will be strong 

I will endure 

I had found peace