Ghosting, the new norm

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2020/02/13/ghosting-is-normal-now-thats-completely-bonkers/?arc404=true

It’s crazy, I know. But this is what it has come to in our society today. For some reason unbeknownst to me, it has become socially acceptable to now ghost the person you’re dating. Where did we go wrong?

This hits home. Sadly. And looking back, I wonder if I too have been guilty of just cutting people off. I have. Yes, sadly. I’d like to think it was more me pleading with someone to understand that I had no interest or intention of pursuing anything and simply stopped all communication after tactfully explaining I had no interest. But some would argue that I ghosted them.

Truth is, we have moved from actual dating to some sort of online coupling where the emotional bond felt so real, we pursued an online long distance romance. We actually believed we connected. I honestly thought we had. And apparently so did a number of us. Only to find its impossible to connect online. Without physical presence and touch the connection isn’t a true connection. Im not saying there aren’t real relationships existing out there. There absolutely are!

Hear me out. What I am saying is, unless you are able to physically touch and be in the presence of said interest, is it sustainable? As a society we light it up on social media. Even the introverts have a presence now, one they wouldn’t have in a true social setting. We all have become so brave online. The extroverts just bask in the attention, the introverts get social validation and those in between can smugly sit on either side of the fence.

I find myself less and less interactive with people in social settings, mostly because I find I am the odd man out, and I don't fit in. Do I take a walk on the wild side and enjoy time out with friends, yes. But I much prefer my own company or speaking my own truth via various social media platforms. Am I an introvert? No. Am I an extrovert? I used to be, but now find my tolerance very low and find myself moody or inept to perform as a show pony now. I have become a recluse taking stabs at things I used to enjoy instigating in real life, now I take shots from behind a keyboard. I digress though.

Ghosting is painful. Especially when you’re not living much of a social life and you’ve cut yourself off from the normal drama and casual conversation. You become reliant on these crushes and i terests to entertain you and we spin a whole world around our love interests that we honestly don’t get to see. In the beginning theres talking over each other and sharing and commonalities we cant get enough of each other. Then something happens on one side or the other that grounds that person. We draw back and dial it down. Reality becomes clear as the stardust settles. Sure maybe you FaceTime here or there or share photos or videos and go on rambling on the phone or filling text after text with your day and questions about their day, but there’s little connection. And one begins to drift away. It is all in our heads. And it’s all so very real. So when we get ghosted by someone we thought cared about us, it’s devastating. It flips our world upside down. Never mind add insult to injury, we are clueless as to how it was we went from a pedestal to someone simply not giving a shit enough to actually say, hey you annoy me, hey I met someone else, or piss off you're coo coo.

Ghosting isn't just making waves in a digital romance either. Actual dating is daunting. And when someone has an interest in someone and it’s not mutual, not answering a call or a text seems the most reasonable way of saying, hey this doesn’t work for me. Some of us would rather not want to know why it didn’t work, so ghosting seems okay at the time. We figure not a lot of time has been invested and if we simply stop responding then we dont have to face up to it. We are not all built the same. Some of us need to know why you chose to move on. If people can be oblivious to world events, then surely you must understand they are oblivious to clues you may have been subtle in giving. I could literally play devils advocate on either side of this subject.

After days, then weeks, then months you begin to question every single thing you shared. You begin to wonder if you’re certifiable. How do you recover? Can you even fully recover from it? We don’t log off  social media either. We share it all. Piece by piece. Sometimes this helps us recover, sometimes it helps someone else going through the same thing and sometimes we go back to those memories and run every detail through our head. We don’t even let ourselves heal, we just redirect our attention elsewhere. The pain doesn’t subside or leave, it just traps the next obsession in a glass cage they have no idea even existed. Then we wait for the other shoe to fall with that person. It’s now cyclical and there’s no jumping off this merry go round.

We all want closure. Truth is, we may not always get it and we just have to learn how to let go and be smarter about who we date next and how we date. If we have character, we choose not to ghost people. Personally I think ghosting is a cowardly way of dodging sticky emotions, but like I said, even I have done it.

Look, ghosting hurts like hell. Just don’t do it. Man up and own up. Being honest with ourselves makes it easier to be honest with others. Once you've become an honest person, ghosting won’t be considered an option.