You know - that one person - the one you have to date in between the gut-wrenching heart-crushing break up and the next real relationship (if you're lucky) or just perhaps the next real date. They're not a rebound and they're not a grudge fuck (wtf!!??). They hold more potential and they're not just looking to get in your panties... no? Yeah, me neither. Never met one. Not. Ever. My entire life, and I probably never will - we've all forgotten manners and the sweet loveliness and allure of romance and courtship. And I think I want to cry...
Go on a date, everyone said. (meanwhile I had turned down a few, I know me - I wasn't ready) not yet - it takes more than a few months to get over and adjust. And I'm not a serial monogamist. I'm incapable of jumping from one relationship to the next. I have to sort things out. I need to heal. I need to make sure this is who I am. Sometimes I just need me time. So, anyway, I agree to talk to a guy that likes me, he's nice. Everyone wants to be nosy. Everyone has advice. Do this. Don't do this, don't do that. Be flirty. Don't go filling his head with your writing and biting sarcasm. It's your turn to get what you deserve. You gotta keep a man, blah blah blah. Be a lady. Show him you come from good stock. He's got money, a nice car and his own house. He's a good guy. (they don't even really know him - he's just an acquaintance they thought was cute and he commented I was a hottie - really?) He's the marrying kind? You're leveling up. Now's your chance. HAHAHA - guess I blew that!!! OH MY GAWWWD! Just stop, please! First - do any of you even know me - do you know who the fuck I am? You're supposed to be my closest friends and family. Oh - wait yeah, I get it, you're all just projecting? Trying to live vicariously?? Maybe.
Okay. I'm going to ignore it, because in truth these nutjobs love me, they really do.
I have advice coming from people that have been married for a really, really long time. None of them have been in the dating pool or on the dating scene in more than 15 years. Really? It's comical that - you're offering me advice on dating!!! I mean, I love you for caring so much, but not every guy I date is going to be the one I marry. I know this is a ploy so you no longer have to worry about your single friend/daughter/sister. Whatever, I take it all in stride. I know they mean well. And since they've been married for an eternity, it can't hurt to listen. Maybe they know some golden hidden truth that I'm totally clueless on. Oh bullshit! Let's face it - both men and women now, are a far different cry than how they were 5, 10, 15 years ago.
The flirting process today is cruel and indifferent, it's calloused and it lacks romance. It saddens me and breaks my heart that I can't be who I am. You can't know me without seeing my facial reactions. Without hearing my noises or seeing what I do when I'm nervous and I bounce my leg. I have to adjust to this new way of meeting people. We live in a digital age and there's a lot less hands on communication. Everyone is on social media and wants to text and message. Everyone is so detached, and sadly, everyone's so okay with it. Or are they all just going with the flow because, like me, they're all terrified? I suppose there's a lot of people hurt and not wanting to make themselves vulnerable. It's easier to hide behind the digital bullshit. But what a huge loss! And if you do talk or flirt, you're instantly labeled a whore. Or someone's worried they're being 'catfished'. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. Long gone are the days of meeting someone in a grocery store. Or your friend, legitimately having a single friend that's not a psycho and would be worth going on a blind date.
I'm so lost. It's truly the strangest thing ever. I know I'm not too old. I know this can't be all there is to dating. This is insane!!! I'm not the girl that goes to bars by herself. I'm not the girl that goes out, a lot. Period. And I'm a single Mom - so that limits things even more. And then, even when you can find someone that you've got tons in common with and you can relax and talk about things. They live worlds away. So you're talking and it means something - right, but what does it really mean? I didn't do online dating for this reason. And now I'm online dating. What the fuck!
Here you are conversing (the only way you can - messaging) and if they don't respond, you have no way of knowing who else they're talking to, are you boring them to death, do you talk to much? You don't want to be a bother and they can't see you talking or hear you (unless there's a video) and they don't know you. (How can they really?) Talk about a surefire way to question your self-esteem, too. And then there's all these DM's with ungodly and perverse messages coming from all these random people and pictures of things your ex didn't even send you. Ewwww! No one has any respect. And it's easy because everyone's hiding behind something. And if you do meet someone you must ingratiate by way of dance of bullshit - and they are amazing, you're still fucked. Chances are they live 3000 miles away. They have their own life. They're not going anywhere. You have your life. You're not going anywhere.
Ugh! I hate this - I'm becoming a realist and I don't want to be - I like hope and optimism. I feel it all just slipping away. And I'm going to end up being crotchety and a cat lady. I'm too warm and lovely and fun for that. But maybe I'm just not ready for any of this. Sadly, I don't know that I ever will be. I don't know - maybe there's advice somewhere from someone on how to not be a catlady...?
Go on a date, everyone said. (meanwhile I had turned down a few, I know me - I wasn't ready) not yet - it takes more than a few months to get over and adjust. And I'm not a serial monogamist. I'm incapable of jumping from one relationship to the next. I have to sort things out. I need to heal. I need to make sure this is who I am. Sometimes I just need me time. So, anyway, I agree to talk to a guy that likes me, he's nice. Everyone wants to be nosy. Everyone has advice. Do this. Don't do this, don't do that. Be flirty. Don't go filling his head with your writing and biting sarcasm. It's your turn to get what you deserve. You gotta keep a man, blah blah blah. Be a lady. Show him you come from good stock. He's got money, a nice car and his own house. He's a good guy. (they don't even really know him - he's just an acquaintance they thought was cute and he commented I was a hottie - really?) He's the marrying kind? You're leveling up. Now's your chance. HAHAHA - guess I blew that!!! OH MY GAWWWD! Just stop, please! First - do any of you even know me - do you know who the fuck I am? You're supposed to be my closest friends and family. Oh - wait yeah, I get it, you're all just projecting? Trying to live vicariously?? Maybe.
Okay. I'm going to ignore it, because in truth these nutjobs love me, they really do.
I have advice coming from people that have been married for a really, really long time. None of them have been in the dating pool or on the dating scene in more than 15 years. Really? It's comical that - you're offering me advice on dating!!! I mean, I love you for caring so much, but not every guy I date is going to be the one I marry. I know this is a ploy so you no longer have to worry about your single friend/daughter/sister. Whatever, I take it all in stride. I know they mean well. And since they've been married for an eternity, it can't hurt to listen. Maybe they know some golden hidden truth that I'm totally clueless on. Oh bullshit! Let's face it - both men and women now, are a far different cry than how they were 5, 10, 15 years ago.
The flirting process today is cruel and indifferent, it's calloused and it lacks romance. It saddens me and breaks my heart that I can't be who I am. You can't know me without seeing my facial reactions. Without hearing my noises or seeing what I do when I'm nervous and I bounce my leg. I have to adjust to this new way of meeting people. We live in a digital age and there's a lot less hands on communication. Everyone is on social media and wants to text and message. Everyone is so detached, and sadly, everyone's so okay with it. Or are they all just going with the flow because, like me, they're all terrified? I suppose there's a lot of people hurt and not wanting to make themselves vulnerable. It's easier to hide behind the digital bullshit. But what a huge loss! And if you do talk or flirt, you're instantly labeled a whore. Or someone's worried they're being 'catfished'. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. Long gone are the days of meeting someone in a grocery store. Or your friend, legitimately having a single friend that's not a psycho and would be worth going on a blind date.
I'm so lost. It's truly the strangest thing ever. I know I'm not too old. I know this can't be all there is to dating. This is insane!!! I'm not the girl that goes to bars by herself. I'm not the girl that goes out, a lot. Period. And I'm a single Mom - so that limits things even more. And then, even when you can find someone that you've got tons in common with and you can relax and talk about things. They live worlds away. So you're talking and it means something - right, but what does it really mean? I didn't do online dating for this reason. And now I'm online dating. What the fuck!
Here you are conversing (the only way you can - messaging) and if they don't respond, you have no way of knowing who else they're talking to, are you boring them to death, do you talk to much? You don't want to be a bother and they can't see you talking or hear you (unless there's a video) and they don't know you. (How can they really?) Talk about a surefire way to question your self-esteem, too. And then there's all these DM's with ungodly and perverse messages coming from all these random people and pictures of things your ex didn't even send you. Ewwww! No one has any respect. And it's easy because everyone's hiding behind something. And if you do meet someone you must ingratiate by way of dance of bullshit - and they are amazing, you're still fucked. Chances are they live 3000 miles away. They have their own life. They're not going anywhere. You have your life. You're not going anywhere.
Ugh! I hate this - I'm becoming a realist and I don't want to be - I like hope and optimism. I feel it all just slipping away. And I'm going to end up being crotchety and a cat lady. I'm too warm and lovely and fun for that. But maybe I'm just not ready for any of this. Sadly, I don't know that I ever will be. I don't know - maybe there's advice somewhere from someone on how to not be a catlady...?
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