So, I've been sulking. And yes - it's all about a guy. I refuse to let him know how sad I actually am, but if he is still tuned in at all to me, then he probably knows. And it pisses me off! I don't like giving up that control, but it's my fault because I wear my heart on my sleeve.
So I keep going over this whole thing...again and again. I just don't get it. How do you go from "I've never liked anyone this much" to nothing. I am beyond baffled. How do you just turn that off? We're still talking, though it's tapered off and the flirting(sadly - because WOW) has slowed to a crawl. And why is he keeping the line of communication so open? Is he trying to keep peace so things aren't awkward? Is he trying to make sure I don't fall apart and go psycho? (haha - that last one was ridiculously funny) I don't fall apart and I don't go psycho. Is he unsure of his decision?
It's driving me crazy! Was he just that good of a player? Saying all the right things, doing all the right things. No - I don't believe that. (though I've been wrong) We had a very intense, very deep connection. No one has made me feel that silly and girly and excited since, well...I don't know when. Argh!!
What do I do? I have no say in this. I just leave it alone, I guess. Maybe I should just go on a date or something...already had 2 guys ask. Just doesn't feel right though. It's not fair either, they could be good guys. How did I let this happen? Why does this hurt so much?? It's not supposed to hurt like this. I'm supposed to be able to turn it off just like he did. Then why can't I? This is so completely frustrating! Confused and pissed! The jerk!
Something is up...I feel it. Something else is contributing to this other than my screw up and his not wanting to at least try. I mean - really, at least try...or was it all a lie?
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