The rain

I wanted to shut myself off from the world, and deny anyone anymore access.

My heart is flooded with pain, you see.

And I break down in tears during the smallest conversations. 

Small talk hurts and is disingenuous.

I can’t express how I feel, if using words cracks open my chest and my voice trembles. 

You see, I have to smile at people all day long, and I have been meticulous with my makeup and hair.

But really I just break down and cry. And it’s not a pretty cry, this is torrential like the storms I want to drown in.

Today it will rain again and I will let my weeping and blubbering be deadened by the crack of thunderstorms. 

I will lose myself in the bursts of lightning to stifle my wailing. I need the rain to cleanse me of you. I need it to let go. I cannot go on not breathing.