Acceptance

I stopped being angry. Somehow I just stopped. I don’t know when it happened or how. But for however long this lasts, I will remember this is when I realized it. 

Maybe it’s the cool damp night. Or the cover of grey clouds. It could be the wind tickling the trees or the fact that it’s 4am and everything is quiet.

The rage is gone. Bitter never looked good on me anyway. The war in my mind over the things I was angry about was deafening. 

Maybe it’s acceptance. Maybe it was the walk on the beach with my son. Maybe because someone is actively making me feel special. Could be my friend that unexpectedly reached out to check on me, like I check on her. 

I have been angry about failed jobs. Lost love. No sex. Bills I couldn’t afford. Getting older and my body betraying me. Pissed off at myself because I didn’t make time for myself. I have been angry about feeling used and slighted, people not caring for me the way I care for them. Hating my pity parties and taking uturns down memory lane when the roads have been long closed. I have been grieving a life and forgetting to live. I have been beating myself up.

I’m not angry today. I don’t think I was yesterday or the day before that. I’ll still rage about the way people drive, but I accept that. I feel good about the promise of tomorrow. Whomever, however or whatever it was/is, please know that from the depths of my hopeful heart, I am grateful. I just want to put all that good energy back out into the universe.