running to stand still

Everyone is stop go, stop go, stop go - like we all have somewhere important to be, no one really lives anymore,  it’s like the U2 song, we are all just running to stand still

caged

You kissed me softly in a dream last night

I lay sleeping as I felt the tenderness and warmth of your lips brush gently on my cheek

I wanted to stay in that moment forever 

I just want to breathe your air

I need for nothing else but to exist deep in between your ribcage

No word

the sun sets and now creeps quietly over my shoulder

and still no word from you

Versions of me

I miss more versions of myself than I will ever miss of the men or people I have loved

I used to be proud to be me

I used to dance to my own music

Listen to my own song

Wear what the fuck I felt beautiful in even if it meant I would end up being chastised about it

When did I give away so much of me that I started thinking what was left wasn’t worth me loving?

Just because I was bad at love didn’t mean I wasn’t worthy of it

They were just bad choices

I was caught up in a moment 

Somewhere I started to believe their version of me

I stopped believing I was a goddess 

I lost faith in me

I listened too long to what they said 

I was never too much

Thats all that they were

Moments 

I am not the sum of their picture of me

I didn’t need a filter

I didn’t need to tone it down

I am me

Beautiful and brilliant and funny as fuck

Fuck them

I love me

Invisible

now I know how ghosts feel

you look past me to all the fresh beauty in the room 

who am I 

I am nothing, no one

someone that once caught your eye

now I am become invisible 

a wish to be the only one seen in a room full of beauty 

to

now just the gum under your chair

barely touched

and you cringe when you do

At last

For months
I couldn’t escape
A million things
A billion thoughts
All of them crushing

Losing sleep
Tossing about in my bed
Fluffing and rearranging pillows
Taking care to find the sweet spot
Struggling to close my eyes

And then
Quiet
Just peace and quiet
And then
I heard you
It was a but a moment

And just like that
Like a moth to the flame
As if something cosmic and unknown
Set wildfire to my bed
I was on my feet

Your whispers carried gently on the wind
You called for me

Barefoot and barely clothed
I stepped outside
The dark clouds that cast shadows
That shrouded you in months past
Gave way
They moved aside now with ease
Such beauty
Such light

Basking in your embrace
Aglow in your  warmth
And like a child
I began to spin around
Giggling and looking up in awe
Smiling
I swayed to the music
Music only I could hear
You stayed there
Dancing with me
Touching me

At last
My Moon
You saved me
At last

Comprehension

 Communication is key.

Without effective communication in a relationship (any relationship) a message can turn into error, misunderstanding, frustration, or even disaster by being misinterpreted or poorly delivered.

"Communication in a relationship is extremely important because it acts as the judge, jury and executioner for who has the final say on whether your relationship lives or dies. Being able to communicate effectively can also stop needless arguments which occur regularly in your relationship."

You must have the same need to exchange hopes and dreams and discuss any and all things on a regular basis. But what if there's distance between you?  Intimacy can not be achieved without effective communication.  And because there is no way to gauge body language or to know someone's nuances, facial expressions or intimate details of their life, or their past - communication can suffer tremendously.  It's easier to become frustrated, to misconstrue and read into things.  Let the communication fall to silence and only the written word or worse, text, can surely become the undoing with irreparable damage.  

Establishing and knowing boundaries in a relationship is elemental to the longevity of that relationship.  Respecting the boundaries once established is very important.  If the boundaries you've set forth for each other can not be respected, you begin to lose respect for each other, either or even both parties can be hurt.  If the line of communication is not re-established there will be no way to fix what has been undone.   

In this day and age who isn't broken and carrying around a lot of baggage from previous relationships.  It's so easy to jump to conclusions and project that this new person is going to do what someone else may have done.  Trust.  How do you get around this?  How do you avoid projecting negativity into a budding relationship that instead needs to be nurtured?  And now that either side is hurt or upset, not only is there grievous misunderstanding, but there is now an impasse. 

Instead people shut down, close themselves off, think maybe they’re overthinking it and decide not to initiate conversation. It’s gets cold and quick and now talking, even texting feels awkward and forced. Communication is lost. In the folds of a budding relationship we fear rejection and loss, and now unable to converse how do you clear the air? Is it too early to say something? Will it chase them off completely?  What difference does it make? If we aren’t saying what we think or feel what kind of foundation are you building anyway?  

How easily that was lost must mean it wasn’t meant for me. Who says this shit? Why are we so willing to be quiet and not express ourselves? Why do we think if we reach out first we are chasing?   Or if they don’t reach out they’re not interested?  This started somewhere. Communicate.  Don’t leave bite marks on your own tongue from all the things you didn’t say?