I don't think anyone will ever fully grasp and understand just what you meant to me or how saying good-bye to you, was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
When I was stressed out - the moment I began to stress, I could always turn to you. You'd always, always, always be there for me. You always had my back! In moments of sadness, anger, elation, post-coital, rocking out in my car, I could take you anywhere and you were always the very best friend in the world to me. When someone broke my heart you would fill me with hope and you listened unfailingly to me go on for hours, never once interrupting, never once judging, never once giving unsolicited advice. No dirty looks or mumbling under your breath.
At my worst times, even at my best times, in my loneliest and even most awkward moments you would come in like my superhero and save me. I looked forward to being with you - all the time. I couldn't go anywhere without you. I would defend you viciously to the death to any and all nay-sayers. And there were a lot of them. I would start a new job or go somewhere and you were so awesome. When I was nervous or found it difficult to make friends, you introduced me to the coolest of people and I even thought because of you they accepted me.
I would smell you on my clothes, in my hair and on my fingers. I loved the way you smelled. I could smell you on other people. I loved the way you felt in my fingers. I loved the way I felt when I held you. I felt classy and cool. I felt secure and comfortable.
Then one day, it all changed. I could hear the truth in the things the nay-sayers spoke. I could see that you were hurting me. I could see that you weren't healthy for me. I was afraid and terrified both of losing you and having to walk away. And it wasn't just because more and more people were trying to push and pull us apart. No one would hire me if they learned about us. It just wasn't fair anymore, I always had to go outside to be with you. You became something I was embarrassed about. Sometimes it was really cold and I didn't want to go outside just to be with you, but I did and I would miss out on great things because I was so hung-up on you. I hated that everyone looked and stared and stood in judgment when you were with me.
I just couldn't let go, my world wouldn't be the same without you. I met you when I was so young. It was a chance meeting, my father had sent me on an errand and it had been fate. I would even sneak from school early in the mornings and run to the convenience store across the street, just to be with you. My Dad even caught us once, but he never said a word. He knew if he did, he'd be a hypocrite. We weren't even in a relationship then, I had really only just met you. I wasn't even sure if I was doing things the right way. You taught me patience and I learned and for the last 27 years you have been my rock, my confidant, my strong-hold on reality, my best friend in the whole world.
I wanted to be fully vested in this break-up. I had tried to walk-away many times before - but you'd always pull me back in. I knew if I walked away it would have to be for good. I wouldn't be able to talk to you ever again. I wouldn't ever be able to hold you again. I had to move forward and leave you behind. It would be a definitive moment in my life. I researched all kinds of things. Anything that would help ease the separation from you, I absorbed at an alarming rate. I read the psychology on the hold you had over me, how powerful it was and how difficult it would be to walk away. I utilized every resource at my fingertips. I didn't tell anyone that I was going to break-up with you, it was imminent though, I had reached a pinnacle point in my life. Previously, when I told people I was going to break up with you, they would balk at me, chide me, always fueling a negativity, instead of support and they never believed I was strong enough.
HA!! Look at me now, I thought I'd die at one point without you, it's been several months! I've not felt this good in a long time. I see you everywhere and everything still reminds me of you. Though I don't feel the urge to pick you up or obsess over you like I felt before. I acknowledge that what we had was very real and to be honest, I'm glad you were there, but I'm happier now that you're gone. I can breathe so much better now. I can smell everything more powerfully than I could before. I can taste all my food so much better than I did previously. My clothes and car and hair don't smell like you anymore. I can even be around you and not wish I was holding you. I enjoy all kinds of things now that you're not here.
Admittedly, I have to stay super busy. I find lots and lots to do - but I'm far more productive than I ever was, when I was with you. I honestly think I'm a better person without you. It was the best thing I've ever done, to walk away from you. It's definitely a lifestyle change. I'm fully embracing it and I know I'll never go back to you, not for the rest of my life. I'm far too proud of myself to ever run back. I hope you're as happy as I am without you.
Sincerely,
a former smoker.
When I was stressed out - the moment I began to stress, I could always turn to you. You'd always, always, always be there for me. You always had my back! In moments of sadness, anger, elation, post-coital, rocking out in my car, I could take you anywhere and you were always the very best friend in the world to me. When someone broke my heart you would fill me with hope and you listened unfailingly to me go on for hours, never once interrupting, never once judging, never once giving unsolicited advice. No dirty looks or mumbling under your breath.
At my worst times, even at my best times, in my loneliest and even most awkward moments you would come in like my superhero and save me. I looked forward to being with you - all the time. I couldn't go anywhere without you. I would defend you viciously to the death to any and all nay-sayers. And there were a lot of them. I would start a new job or go somewhere and you were so awesome. When I was nervous or found it difficult to make friends, you introduced me to the coolest of people and I even thought because of you they accepted me.
I would smell you on my clothes, in my hair and on my fingers. I loved the way you smelled. I could smell you on other people. I loved the way you felt in my fingers. I loved the way I felt when I held you. I felt classy and cool. I felt secure and comfortable.
Then one day, it all changed. I could hear the truth in the things the nay-sayers spoke. I could see that you were hurting me. I could see that you weren't healthy for me. I was afraid and terrified both of losing you and having to walk away. And it wasn't just because more and more people were trying to push and pull us apart. No one would hire me if they learned about us. It just wasn't fair anymore, I always had to go outside to be with you. You became something I was embarrassed about. Sometimes it was really cold and I didn't want to go outside just to be with you, but I did and I would miss out on great things because I was so hung-up on you. I hated that everyone looked and stared and stood in judgment when you were with me.
I just couldn't let go, my world wouldn't be the same without you. I met you when I was so young. It was a chance meeting, my father had sent me on an errand and it had been fate. I would even sneak from school early in the mornings and run to the convenience store across the street, just to be with you. My Dad even caught us once, but he never said a word. He knew if he did, he'd be a hypocrite. We weren't even in a relationship then, I had really only just met you. I wasn't even sure if I was doing things the right way. You taught me patience and I learned and for the last 27 years you have been my rock, my confidant, my strong-hold on reality, my best friend in the whole world.
I wanted to be fully vested in this break-up. I had tried to walk-away many times before - but you'd always pull me back in. I knew if I walked away it would have to be for good. I wouldn't be able to talk to you ever again. I wouldn't ever be able to hold you again. I had to move forward and leave you behind. It would be a definitive moment in my life. I researched all kinds of things. Anything that would help ease the separation from you, I absorbed at an alarming rate. I read the psychology on the hold you had over me, how powerful it was and how difficult it would be to walk away. I utilized every resource at my fingertips. I didn't tell anyone that I was going to break-up with you, it was imminent though, I had reached a pinnacle point in my life. Previously, when I told people I was going to break up with you, they would balk at me, chide me, always fueling a negativity, instead of support and they never believed I was strong enough.
HA!! Look at me now, I thought I'd die at one point without you, it's been several months! I've not felt this good in a long time. I see you everywhere and everything still reminds me of you. Though I don't feel the urge to pick you up or obsess over you like I felt before. I acknowledge that what we had was very real and to be honest, I'm glad you were there, but I'm happier now that you're gone. I can breathe so much better now. I can smell everything more powerfully than I could before. I can taste all my food so much better than I did previously. My clothes and car and hair don't smell like you anymore. I can even be around you and not wish I was holding you. I enjoy all kinds of things now that you're not here.
Admittedly, I have to stay super busy. I find lots and lots to do - but I'm far more productive than I ever was, when I was with you. I honestly think I'm a better person without you. It was the best thing I've ever done, to walk away from you. It's definitely a lifestyle change. I'm fully embracing it and I know I'll never go back to you, not for the rest of my life. I'm far too proud of myself to ever run back. I hope you're as happy as I am without you.
Sincerely,
a former smoker.
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