I made a promise to myself before I had kids that I would do my best to be honest with my kids. Of course, limiting that to answering only the questions they were asking. As two of them have become adults (somewhat) I've had to continue to answer questions as honestly as I can, without offering up too much information. It's not easy. They're smart. I get quite a bit of criticism for it, (not that I care) from people too judgmental about what I'm doing, instead of focusing on what they're doing. Needless to say, I believe I've built amazing honest relationships with my kids. They tell me more than they should and sometimes more than they share with their friends. I always give my opinion, but I offer it without judgment. (reiterating judgment and opinion are very different things) I want them to feel they can tell me anything, come for guidance on anything and no matter what they do - I will always love them and support them. I may not like certain things, but I create no delusions here for myself. I'm not raising my kids to make me happy. I'm not trying to be their best friend, being their Mom is far more important. And being honest with people in my life is priority.
I resented my parents constant comparisons to other kids my age. It made me feel bad about who I was/am. I didn't want to do that with my kids. I don't believe my parents meant to do it, it was not very easy to corral and raise five kids, so I hold absolutely no animosity here - I know they did the best they could.
I've seen a lot of parents lie to their kids and I'm not comfortable with that, as it's not who I am. Hypocrisy is not an option. I've never been interested in keeping up with the Jones's or social media or what everybody else is doing. I don't like to follow the rest of the herd and I make no apologies for that. The constant downtrodden opinion of me or how I choose to raise my kids or all the unsolicited, is simply not welcome. I will no longer tolerate this antagonistic pushy behavior. Don't look to stand on my shoulders to feel good about yourself. I gladly pass up good advice when I cannot respect someone that doesn't walk the talk.
I will always do my very best to provide my kids with as much information as is necessary to help, for them to make their own choices. The youngest is not ready for any real decisions in his life, outside of 'should he clean his room or get stripped of his privileges.' Do not think giving him this choice is without its merit. He's a good kid, and always presents a healthy debate - before making his choice. He has chores and responsibilities and even read books and did reports this summer. I'm not raising dummies.
Listen, I've gone days without eating to make sure my kids ate. I've gone without, so they wouldn't. My sacrifice. My choice. Not theirs, nor would I ever make them feel like they're obligated to me in any way for the choices I make. I constantly remind myself, they are a gift, a blessing. I find true joy in what brings them happiness, and that's all that really matters. If you're thinking I need to develop and create better goals for my kids, worry about cleaning your own house. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking they have to be rich to be somebody, or that they won't measure up with someone else. I absolutely won't allow them to watch reality TV programs, either. (Anyone that knows who the Kardashians are and doesn't know who our Supreme Court Justices are, should be slapped).
And I'd like to say, to be void of emotion or love is sad. Being in a position of power or having lots of money and being morally bankrupt or lacking empathy is not something to be proud of. Despite the adversity they faced growing up, my kids are incredibly well-adjusted. You won't find material things, money or status as their priority. I am grateful for that. I hope they make enough money to pay their bills and take vacations. I hope they see the world and want for nothing. I can only hope they choose to stay as far away from the sick, phony, fake, unbalanced pathetic people caught up in the rat race.
I like things, I don't love them. I love people and ideas. If money is all that makes people happy, I feel sorry for them. Money will never fill that void. It's okay to want better things and a better lifestyle, but it shouldn't be your only focus. Your home and family should be first.
I don't want them to feel burdened with trying to impress anyone, but themselves. They love, they care, they sacrifice for each other. They do so for friends, and for family. I hope they make all new mistakes in their lives. I hope they glean from the chaos that was my life and from my honest answers to their questions. I hope they take a page from the people around them, that their eyes are open and they are armed with the knowledge to be able to make better choices for themselves. I hope they blunder on a whole different level. The journey of life is filled with lessons, heartaches, joy and sorrow. They have to rise up to the challenges of a whole other world and life that no one else can live for them. They must find their own strengths and weaknesses. Time stops for no one.
I pray they block out the negative and find exciting new ways to draw from their own personal motivation. They will always have cheerleaders encouraging them in their pursuit of happiness. But there will also always be people that want them to fail, they will use them, and like a vampires; suck all that good positive energy. I pray they are able to see these people clearly a mile away and keep them always at a distance. I pray for their resistance and resilience.
“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.”
– Abraham Lincoln
“Don’t worry when you are not recognized, but strive to be worthy of recognition.”
– Abraham Lincoln
“We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it.”
– Abraham Lincoln
“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”
– Albert Einstein
“Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.”
– Albert Einstein
“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”
– Anne Frank
“I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen”
– Frank Lloyd Wright
”The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men.”
– George Eliot
“I found that the men and women who got to the top were those who did the jobs they had in hand, with everything they had of energy and enthusiasm and hard work.”
– Harry S. Truman
“Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it.”
– Henry David Thoreau
“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”
– John Quincy Adams
“Each of us has a spark of life inside us, and our highest endeavor ought to be to set off that spark in one another.”
– Kenny Ausubel
“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
– Kurt Vonnegut
“A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
– Mark Twain
“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.”
– Maya Angelou
“The world belongs to the energetic.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it nothing great was ever achieved.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Do not be too timid and squeamish about your reactions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation.”
– Robert F. Kennedy
“Each generation goes further than the generation preceding it because it stands on the shoulders of that generation. You will have opportunities beyond anything we’ve ever known.”
– Ronald Reagan
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