Playing Princess

Wikipedia says:
Princess sickness (or princess syndrome, Chinese: 公主病; princess disease, Korean: 공주병) is a term used to describe the psychological phenomenon affecting females, especially teenagers, and can be characterized by numerous physiological disorders, including narcissistic personality disorder, egocentrism and histrionic personality disorder, consequently resulting in individuals acting like or believing that they are "princesses".

Similarly, males with resembling characteristics are regarded as having "prince sickness."

Urban Dictionary says:
A mental state that a female exhibits out of reverse sexism. Because she is unaware of her sexism, she will claim to deserve supreme aristocratic rights from a partner due to her looks or her child-bearing "pain." Any brainwashed man will give her tangible things and emotional sublimity to stop her, and she will only demand more.

"Look at that lady; I'd go out with her, but she's got princess syndrome. Hookin' up with a good lookin' / intelligent guy like me would just make her condition worsen."

What is going on with parents today? Are we really raising a mass of over-privileged vacuous females with a hyper-glorified sense of worth? This is real. This is happening! This isn't in our psychology books yet, either. It's still being researched and studied. And boy, do we have plenty of subjects to provide for the research.

Where did this come from? Who can we blame? Walk into any retail store, check out t-shirts for girls, what do they say? "too pretty for homework"  We've instilled in our little girls that they are as precious as princesses. Being Daddy's little princess or Mommy's little princess is fine, but there's another message being delivered to our daughters here. How many Disney movies are about princesses? 20 - and that's just Disney!!! Truth is - it's our fault. We are their parents, and we are allowing it.

Can you imagine what these girls are going through psychologically?? If a little girl doesn't fit the bill for a 'fairy-tale princess', imagine how she's beating herself up. Imagine the long-term damage we are allowing the liberal media to impress on our daughters. What are you going to do to stop it? How are you going to keep your daughter from being affected by all these negative influences? How can we avoid this? How can we shield our daughters from this? And if you're going to empower this behavior, then you'd better be damn sure the message you're sending your daughter is that she needs to build her kingdom, herself.

Create real ways for your daughter to develop self-esteem. Help her develop skills that are real. Teach her that she can not expect things from life or from people. The world isn't going to bow at her feet and people are not going to fawn all over her. Beauty can only take you so far in life. Teach her she is beautiful for the right reasons, not just how she looks. I'll admit, this is no easy task. Society seems to celebrate the superficial. Teach her that if she wants something badly, make her question why she wants it. Then let her figure out what the necessary steps and effort are needed to make it happen. Teach her to seek out her individual strengths and skills.  Show her its okay to be independent and rely on herself.  Her image of herself is important, more so than how others see her.

You are her parent. Look around. We are surrounded by younger generations of self-entitled human beings. These kids aren't bad people, but this really can't be healthy.  And it only leads to more narcissistic behavior. You, as parents, should be providing the fundamental development to help her grow and become a lady. 

Am I alone in seeing this Princess Syndrome everywhere? 

Too honest?

I made a promise to myself before I had kids that I would do my best to be honest with my kids. Of course, limiting that to answering only the questions they were asking. As two of them have become adults (somewhat) I've had to continue to answer questions as honestly as I can, without offering up too much information. It's not easy. They're smart. I get quite a bit of criticism for it, (not that I care) from people too judgmental about what I'm doing, instead of focusing on what they're doing. Needless to say, I believe I've built amazing honest relationships with my kids. They tell me more than they should and sometimes more than they share with their friends. I always give my opinion, but I offer it without judgment. (reiterating judgment and opinion are very different things) I want them to feel they can tell me anything, come for guidance on anything and no matter what they do - I will always love them and support them. I may not like certain things, but I create no delusions here for myself. I'm not raising my kids to make me happy. I'm not trying to be their best friend, being their Mom is far more important. And being honest with people in my life is priority.

I resented my parents constant comparisons to other kids my age. It made me feel bad about who I was/am. I didn't want to do that with my kids. I don't believe my parents meant to do it, it was not very easy to corral and raise five kids, so I hold absolutely no animosity here - I know they did the best they could.

I've seen a lot of parents lie to their kids and I'm not comfortable with that, as it's not who I am. Hypocrisy is not an option. I've never been interested in keeping up with the Jones's or social media or what everybody else is doing. I don't like to follow the rest of the herd and I make no apologies for that. The constant downtrodden opinion of me or how I choose to raise my kids or all the unsolicited, is simply not welcome. I will no longer tolerate this antagonistic pushy behavior. Don't look to stand on my shoulders to feel good about yourself. I gladly pass up good advice when I cannot respect someone that doesn't walk the talk.

I will always do my very best to provide my kids with as much information as is necessary to help, for them to make their own choices. The youngest is not ready for any real decisions in his life, outside of 'should he clean his room or get stripped of his privileges.' Do not think giving him this choice is without its merit. He's a good kid, and always presents a healthy debate - before making his choice. He has chores and responsibilities and even read books and did reports this summer. I'm not raising dummies.

Listen, I've gone days without eating to make sure my kids ate. I've gone without, so they wouldn't. My sacrifice. My choice. Not theirs, nor would I ever make them feel like they're obligated to me in any way for the choices I make. I constantly remind myself, they are a gift, a blessing. I find true joy in what brings them happiness, and that's all that really matters. If you're thinking I need to develop and create better goals for my kids, worry about cleaning your own house. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking they have to be rich to be somebody, or that they won't measure up with someone else. I absolutely won't allow them to watch reality TV programs, either. (Anyone that knows who the Kardashians are and doesn't know who our Supreme Court Justices are, should be slapped). I don't want my kids to compare their individual skills or talents to someone else's highlight reels. It's incredibly unhealthy.

And I'd like to say, to be void of emotion or love is sad. Being in a position of power or having lots of money and being morally bankrupt or lacking empathy is not something to be proud of. Despite the adversity they faced growing up, my kids are incredibly well-adjusted. You won't find material things, money or status as their priority. I am grateful for that. I hope they make enough money to pay their bills and take vacations. I hope they see the world and want for nothing.  I can only hope they choose to stay as far away from the sick, phony, fake, unbalanced pathetic people caught up in the rat race.

I like things, I don't love them. I love people and ideas. If money is all that makes people happy, I feel sorry for them. Money will never fill that void.  It's okay to want better things and a better lifestyle, but it shouldn't be your only focus.  Your home and family should be first.

I don't want them to feel burdened with trying to impress anyone, but themselves. They love, they care, they sacrifice for each other. They do so for friends, and for family. I hope they make all new mistakes in their lives. I hope they glean from the chaos that was my life and from my honest answers to their questions. I hope they take a page from the people around them, that their eyes are open and they are armed with the knowledge to be able to make better choices for themselves. I hope they blunder on a whole different level. The journey of life is filled with lessons, heartaches, joy and sorrow. They have to rise up to the challenges of a whole other world and life that no one else can live for them. They must find their own strengths and weaknesses. Time stops for no one.

I pray they block out the negative and find exciting new ways to draw from their own personal motivation. They will always have cheerleaders encouraging them in their pursuit of happiness. But there will also always be people that want them to fail, they will use them, and like a vampires; suck all that good positive energy. I pray they are able to see these people clearly a mile away and keep them always at a distance. I pray for their resistance and resilience.

“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.”
– Abraham Lincoln


“Don’t worry when you are not recognized, but strive to be worthy of recognition.”
– Abraham Lincoln


“We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it.”
– Abraham Lincoln


“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”
– Albert Einstein


“Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.”
– Albert Einstein


“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”
– Anne Frank


“I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen”
– Frank Lloyd Wright


”The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men.”
– George Eliot


“I found that the men and women who got to the top were those who did the jobs they had in hand, with everything they had of energy and enthusiasm and hard work.”
– Harry S. Truman


“Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it.”
– Henry David Thoreau


“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”
– John Quincy Adams


“Each of us has a spark of life inside us, and our highest endeavor ought to be to set off that spark in one another.”
– Kenny Ausubel


“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
– Kurt Vonnegut


“A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
– Mark Twain


“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.”
– Maya Angelou


“The world belongs to the energetic.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson


“Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it nothing great was ever achieved.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson


“Do not be too timid and squeamish about your reactions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson


“Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation.”
– Robert F. Kennedy


“Each generation goes further than the generation preceding it because it stands on the shoulders of that generation. You will have opportunities beyond anything we’ve ever known.”
– Ronald Reagan

My Moon

As I stood outside, the gentle cool breeze sent goose-bumps up my arms, making hair rise on the back of my neck, a sweet-spot for him, he knew it would force me to look up...I couldn't help notice the Moon and how colossal he was in his immense opulent sky. He kept giving chase through the trees, surely the braggart he was, he enjoyed showing me just how brilliant his light could unfailingly be...

...as a child (3 yrs old) I truly believed and loved the idea that the Moon was in love with me. I'd get up out of bed, even risking a spanking, just to see him there gazing upon me. He was always peaking out from the corners of trees, buildings and from behind clouds, so shy but so grand and exquisite all lonely up in his sky. I would imagine he'd whisper to the stars his delight with how his light could make my skin glow. How powerful he must be to be so far away and yet still able to delicately touch my skin.

My secret love affair with the Moon has only blossomed and evolved as I've become a woman. Forever busy, but never, not once forgetting his devotion to me. I cherish the nights that he is full and bloated with his love and passion for me, beckoning for me in his tremendous sky. Only he could understand me, for how unique he was - so lonely, always wanting, always searching for someone like him. My obsession for him, my Moon coerced me to learn of his friends - the stars and planets, to become educated in his movement, to observe him affecting the tides and water.

The stars and sky would thank him, twinkling in his generous light. How everyone around him would bask in his glory while he'd radiate so magnificently in his sky. Once a year he would be called the Harvest Moon, when he got as close as he could to us (to me) and all those that I love. And every now and then he'd get to gleam and shimmer in a blue haze, the Blue Moon.

I wonder if he knows how many songs would be sang in his honor? Or will he ever know how many movies would give praise to his light? How many people would continue to fall in love, in the wake of his illustrious glow? Children will forever celebrate the light in the dark that he's become.  How his golden glare would be a light for sailors and those that had lost their way.  He would also be menaced and browbeaten with folklore and tales of crazy people unable to control themselves, save for the full moon. 

It has always been this way, and it will probably always be this way. But...make no mistake...

...he will always be My Moon.

Ode to Yeats

William Butler Yeats. He is one of my favorite poets. He takes me somewhere else, and nowhere at all, and everywhere at once.


"Come fairies, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind, and dance upon the mountains like a flame."

"The worst thing about some men, is that when they are not drunk they are sober."

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire."

"A pity beyond all telling is hid in the heart of love."

"Life is a long preparation for something that never happens."

"Wine comes in at the mouth, and Love comes in at the eye; That's all we shall know for Truth before we grow old and die."

"How far away the stars seem, and how far is our first kiss, and ah, how old is my heart."

"I carry the Sun in a golden cup, the Moon in a silver bag."

"Think like a wise man, but communicate in the language of the people."

"A deep-sworn vow others because you did not keep that deep-sworn vow have been friends of mine. Yet always when I look death in the face, when I clamber to the heights of sleep, or when I grow excited with wine, suddenly I meet your face."

"The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity."

"The Mermaid
A mermaid found a swimming lad,
Picked him for her own,
Pressed her body to his body,
Laughed; And plunging down
Forgot in cruel happiness
That even lovers drown."

"The world is full of magic things, waiting for our senses to grow sharper."

"Oh, love is the crooked thing. There is nobody wise enough to find out all that is in it, for he will be thinking about love til the stars run away and the shadows eaten the moon."

"To love beauty is to see light.":

"Any fool can fight a winning battle, but it needs character to fight a losing one, and that should inspire us; Which reminds me that I dreamed the other night that I was being hanged, but was the life and soul of the party."

"How can we know the dancer from the dance."

"Take, if you must this little bag of dreams, unloose the cord and they will wrap you round."

"The innocent and the beautiful have no enemy, but time."

"Words are always getting conventionalized to some secondary meaning. It is one of the works of poetry to take the truants in custody and bring them back to their right senses."

Eternally Grateful

I like to count my blessings daily, to put things in perspective, to reflect on why I do certain things and how happy and grateful I am or need to be, I like to reflect on how far I've come in my life and where my priorities are or need to be? I re-evaluate my goals and dreams constantly. I look to shed worry, anxiety and negativity. I often find myself questioning my choices, sacrifices, loyalty, and honesty? And not just from mine but from others.
Then, in the course of reaching out - out of nowhere, the little people I've dedicated my whole life to raising and loving, my single biggest and most important priority - steal my breathe away and say something so profound and something so incredibly beautiful it touches the depths of my soul, my heart bursts and my eyes fill with tears of joy. It replenishes and renews my faith and reminds me just why I did all the things I did and why I still do them. Nothing else seems to matter! Just those imperfect, perfect little people I love with every fiber of my being. They love me as I am, unconditionally and there's nothing else anywhere that begins to compare to that (there is truly no other kind of unconditional love I've ever known, than that of parent to child, child to parent) - I find myself eternally grateful for them, they are my greatest, most sacred blessings!

And all because in one single day...

She said something, something would infinitely change the way I saw my little girl but now see a young lady - I know she's strong, stubborn, courageous and fiercely independent. I know she possesses the strength to push her further than most will ever dream. She'll never settle and she'll never take crap from anyone, as tough as she is, she's got a heart of gold, and she feels everything deeper than most people. She will be the young lady, I raised her to
be. She will follow her dreams and do everything within her power to be a light for herself and others to see through darkness.

Then, He said something, even mature grown men can't grasp the idea. I know he will be the man I raised him to be. Courageous, heroic to a fault, a protector, a guardian for all those plagued by injustice, with values and morals. He'll stand alone if he has to to defend what he believes. More importantly he will push himself to be the man we all envision him to be.

My little man has yet to show just us all just how great he will be. As he is now, he is the absolute sweetest child. He couldn't hurt a fly. He is always worried about hurting people, he may truly have the biggest heart of all. His loving ways and ability to deliver a message or say things will hopefully catapult him forward in his life. He's very much his big brother and sister, as much as he is me.

In those few moments, They free me and allow me to forgive myself for choices I had made in my life, choices I knew would directly affect them some day - ones they would either hate me for or thank me for - and just like that every sacrifice, every lesson, every time my parenting came into question - it was all for this. All for this! The greatest gift is to love and be loved - and as a parent, it's even greater!

Some thing's are far more difficult to absorb. Somewhere between heaven and hell is where you find them. Always towing the fold of black and white, and sitting (with a smile) on a fence somewhere like a cat.

Understanding that the subject matter I'm about to chew and churn on, may incite some resentment, still I am forging ahead with angst and the greatest of intentions to pen my thoughts. This is after-all, my blog. Albeit neglected and ignored.

I grew up in a strict, stern home. I have four brothers, all boys, not one sister. My Father is ex-Army Ranger, militant by and through all facets and means of his life. Structure, routine and regiment were and are still expected. My brothers and I never fail to disappoint. My Mother, was exactly what my Dad needed. A dictator of her own sheer force and will, do not let her size fool you she was larger than life and still rules with the iron fist entrusted to her by my Father. Both my parents worked, and worked hard, so we often found ourselves under the watchful eye of my grandparents or Mrs. Whaley (the youngest brother's Nanny). That is when we weren't spending three nights a week at church.

Make no mistake I mean no disrespect to my parents. They weren't perfect, they did their absolute best. They were and are good people. Better I dare say than my brothers and I turned out to be. Besides, wasn't everyone's childhood or family dysfunctional in some way? My parents would be aggrieved, haunted even, that I could take such brilliant refined characteristics bestowed on me, suppress them and corrupt them to my own creation. Even retarding them into almost a mockery. It must leave the copper taste of blood in their mouths. This is not out of orneriness, it is simply me being me. I know I make them proud with certain aspects of my life, morals, values and general life compass, but I also know I drive them bat-shit crazy and somehow that offers a great deal of comfort.

I digress, as I often do. I'm not here to discuss my parents, not really. Or my more formidable years when my conscience was obviously of significantly more crushing weight than it is now. I still believe I have a moral compass, I just lack faith in society, and not just as a whole, but in bits and pieces. Any way my politics are inconsequential, as well.

My Father to this day, still respects and admires my Mother. She is fiercely independent, and I do mean fiercely. While my Mom cooked, clean, disciplined and worked, so did my Father. They believed each of them had to contribute as much as the other, despite the traditional or old fashioned ideals they were raised with individually. This is something I have always admired about my parents. They may drive each other insane, but there is never a loss for love, respect or admiration for what they each have to offer the other or the world. It's not often you find a man comfortable with a woman that independent and not intimidated or emasculated by such a strong woman. My Father adores my Mother, to this day.

Being the only girl, I am a Daddy's girl, I hold my Father in the highest regard. Lucky for me, I have an amazing Dad. A true gentleman, a protector, a jack of all trades, I do believe my Dad can do absolutely anything. This is where it's grossly unfair to men that may have affection for me. (putting my sons, aside) Living in my Father's shadow is not easy. He is truly a great, great man. He is the Most Interesting Man Alive. And he is my measuring stick for all other men. Sure it's not fair, but it is what it is.

After a lot of circle jerking here, let me get to my point. I struggle with the reverence and admiration held for independent thinking men, versus the trepidation and consternation for an independent thinking woman. I am no feminist, I know the sexes are not equal. I would never seek to emasculate a man, nor would I want a man to feel less than or intimidated because I like to think for myself. I'd rather bring as much to the table. Beauty fades and I'm not interested in seeing what I can get from a man. A union between two people should be joining of forces, each should have skills or talents or qualities that complement the other. We as women should not be allow to slowly bleed a man to the point of resentment. Some relationships fail and others succeed. We were not meant to be wholly monogamous. We choose to be. I want someone to add benefit to my life, not take away from theirs in the hopes of filling some void in my own life, because I didn't push myself to my potential.

The idea of 'happy wife, happy life' is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. It may work for some people, but the idea behind it is bone-chilling. It's emasculating to men and condescending. The idea that women hold the key to happiness in a marriage must've come from someone incredibly ignorant or very confused. Happiness isn't tangible, it doesn't come from material things, it doesn't come from sex. Happiness is a feeling. It's existing in a moment. Its the here and now. Not tomorrow. It's not later today, its how you feel and what you take from those feelings and those moments. The euphoria you feel post-coital or how you can't stop smiling because someone made you almost pee your pants from a joke. Or the picture your child drew that has people mesmerized by their abilities. Maybe because out of nowhere someone tells you just how great you make them feel. Those things are where I find my happiness. I recognize everyone seeks to gratify their own wants.

I suppose what I'm getting at is, are men and women admired and respected for independent thinking in the same way? Are men and women even remotely equal on this forum? If not, what makes each sex different. If so - give me examples, as I really want to have an understanding. I'd like to see all perspectives. Not removing my own personal experience, I would answer with a finite No.

I'd love to be wrong here.