The Death of Love

The final moments before I knew it was over, my heart was palpitating fiercely in anticipation that he would stand by me and we would face things together. My heart murmur would surely to give any second. The depths of blackness swallowing me and sucking me down, spiralling down. I don't know how I'm going to make it. How can this be? It isn't real.

I had waited my whole life to feel this way, only to come to the realization that it was all just an illusion. Honesty, love, friendship, passion, trust. Everything I knew it was supposed to be, I was a part of and it had been real.

Still it slipped through my tear soaked fingers.

How do you walk away from something so incredible? Was it all a ruse? A lie? A luxury I allowed myself, I couldn't truly afford? My eternal optimism gone in the blink of an eye - like a magic trick - poof! To love someone was to knowingly enter into an uncertain realm of tortured pain.

The man, the love I dreamt of my whole life had determined I wasn't worth loving anymore. He just walked away knowing he'd never touch me, hold me, kiss me, make me smile or laugh, never hear my voice on the other end of the phone, never again to talk for hours or feel my body move beneath his, never again to taste me, never again to have such honesty and trust and faith. Knowing I love him for everything he is and he wouldn't never have to be anybody but himself.

Now, I'll be but another story to share amongst friends. A mere afterthought and perhaps a sigh of relief. One less complication.

It's what destroys you from within. Not the bad relationships, not the abusive ones, not the cheating ones. It's losing the one that you know truly loved you. The one you really love. The one that broke down walls that couldn't be broken. It's the one that not only spoke to your soul, but whispered to your heart. The one that will never allow you to love again.

That's the one that kills you. That's the one you don't see coming. It's the death of love that blindsides you. It crushes and devastates, crippling your heart.

How great can one thing be and it still not be enough?