https://youtu.be/LVB2mXCTbNs
How many times have you said something, and the moment it escaped your lips, you wanted to kick yourself? What's worse - oh, I don't know - how about watching the person's face contort into an expression of pain and then disgust? YEP - once it's out there - you can't un-ring that bell. Forget that you were using the wrong word, the wrong adjective, a verb instead of a noun or vice-versa, grammatically - you've had a truly bad day. None of that matters at ALL, you've just said something so incredibly offensive to someone, they're considering kicking your ass. At least the look on their face, alludes to it. Oh you're so screwed... and there's No take backs! You're going to eat crow my friend, and if you value that person at all, you're going to apologize and apologize and apologize. What's that - you didn't mean to say it? Wrong word? Who.... cares? The offendee is now looking at you, like you've just taken a Louisville Slugger to their knee caps. You are now a piece of poop on the bottom of their favorite pair of shoes.
It happens more than we want to admit. Truth is, we don't think before we speak. All of us, talking over each other and not listening and just not using our ears in proportion to our mouths. Our words or the implications in our phrasing can be incredibly offensive and biting. The quick-witted and sarcastic are the worst (sorry) or should I say the best at this. I'm so flawed and fallible here, but hey - we all stumble and fall. And isn't it funny how we all want to point a finger when we are on the receiving end of this? None of us wants to be in that hot seat. Seriously, when you realize you've hurt someone you didn't intend to hurt, there are NO words to explain it away or say you're sorry. You have to look them in their eyes, knowing you caused that pain. They will not hear anything other than those biting words in their head. They're hurt, you did it and now they've shut down the line of communication, they look at you - but they're looking right through you. All you can do is suck it up and listen when the floodgates open.
You know you never meant to hurt that person, (and how can they not see that?) but now you will be brow-beaten (even by yourself) and/or given the cold shoulder. And this is what's called fair-play. How dare you get upset and ba-jiggity because you want to fix this and you're trying to make them understand you didn't mean to hurt them. You've apologized a dozen times and they still won't talk to you, so now, you've exacerbated the situation because - you're only thinking of yourself!!!? Wait, what?! Yes, of course, me groveling and apologizing hundreds of times, struggling feverishly to understand and fix things or get you to talk to me, or actually look at me without looking through me, is now also offensive?
Glass Houses. We are all guilty! Long gone are days of childish ways "sticks n stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me?" Our words are like daggers, how sharp and mighty is the tongue! Everyone's level of sensitivity varies on any given day. I don't know about you, but I'm not psychic. I am, however, a firm believer in tact and... in truths. Attempting to make everyone happy and curbing my vocabulary, or changing my grammar and/or phrasing often proves difficult. No one - and I do mean - no one, is that good a social chameleon. And personally, I don't feel being politically correct necessitates walking on egg shells. You can not and will not please the masses. Any attempt to please those around you, negates you, you'll be flipping yourself in every direction except your own and sometimes it will all be for nothing. So be prepared, if you make that sacrifice - the other person owes you - nothing! SO careful with how you project your expectations, you're going to be disappointed. And the other person shouldn't be obligated to apologize for your expectations.
If people love you, they will love you and accept your flaws. Should I be the one to put duct tape on my mouth or change my behavior? Most of the people I know and love don't stop to consider my feelings? They just spit stuff out at me. They don't tread carefully to ensure I'm not offended, oh no, no, no - they do and say what pleases them. Whether in the hopes that we are on the same wavelength or that it won't bother me, or that I'll become enlightened. So the manner in which they speak to me, is sometimes self-righteous and indignant. Flip the script, if I speak to them like they speak to me - Hell will open up!! If I say and do nothing, they continue to do this... if I broach the subject then I'm being argumentative and don't take constructive criticism well. It doesn't matter what I do, some people will just never consider your feelings, and they will never be happy. They will continue to speak their mind for the sake of giving an over-inflated opinion (or to coin their phrase - 'the truth'). I take and tolerate way more than I should because I love these people. But my patience continues to wear thin.
So many questions immediately come to mind, this 'misspoken words' thing is so connected to so many things, it's a multi-level subject, it truly is so much bigger than just a misspoken word!!
I'm not a sadist, I'm not into humiliating people, I don't go out of my way to embarrass you I don't enjoy seeing people I love, let alone those I just like, squirm. I don't have an innate need to make people feel inferior to me. I'm not condescending, even when I am the expert on the subject. It's not who I am, I don't get off on the pain, belittlement or suffering of others. I don't like to put people down to make myself feel better. The last thing in the world I want is for people to feel uncomfortable around me. I don't wake up and decide, hey I'm going to be a bitch today, then set out to hurt someone I love. I'll admit, maybe in a fit of anger, a heated argument, we exchange some pretty biting words or get in some unnecessary digs to get the other's attention, but the weight of that is so heavy with regret - it bogs down my soul. If I've hurt your feelings, and you know.... me, then I would hope you would know better than to think I'd intentionally hurt you.
What's difficult to explain here is; my level of sensitivity and the fact that I struggle to remain non-judgmental means I carry and use a filter and/or tact more than most people. I would even wager money on that. I may have opinions, but even then, I take heed to curb what I say. Trust me, I will get the lay of the land, pay attention to who may or may not be listening and then yes, as fast or as slow as my mind will move, I will then proceed to open my mouth. However, I've just offended you, I was "out of line".
I'm spinning now and in a state of confusion, I don't always call people out when they've said something nasty to me - none of that matters now, my negligence has become very costly. Yes - go ahead, call me out on it so I don't do it again, but don't belabor it. I'm much like a child, I'm too honest and my overzealous mind and quick mouth put me here, next time I should sputter and stammer a bit more, because I truly didn't mean to hurt you.
You need time to process something I said? So, does that constitute thereby negating any communication and going all icy cold on me? Trust me, I feel it, the air is rife with your glacial attitude - I'm talking, but you're not hearing a word I say. The look on your face speaks of disdain and disgust. You won't talk about it though, not yet. Here's where I question if you're really toiling over how to have this discussion. Right or wrong, my frustration is on the rise because you won't talk to me. I'm now in my own head and I start to think you're belaboring it on purpose to make me grovel...but why would you do that?
When you believe you're being attacked, you don't stop or pause to think. When something strikes us a certain way, we immediately think it personal, dismissing any and all other positivity. We are all guilty of jumping to conclusions. It's easy for things to come undone and unravel after that. Retrospect. We've essentially gone from 0 to 60 in less than a fraction of a second. On the other end of the spectrum, I could also say - if everyone stops trying to finish sentences for people and simply listened and we weren't all waiting for the person to stop talking so we can interrupt and say what we want, maybe if we just listened... than maybe words would not have as much power over us. Predicting what someone is going to say in your own head is not listening. Listening could be the answer here, it could save a lot of heartbreak and misunderstanding.
All I can say is take heed, "Be careful with your words. Once they are spoken, they can only be forgiven - not forgotten." They will remain with that person or with you, no explanation or apology can stop the way those words were heard. "If the words we spoke appeared on our skin, would we still be beautiful?" "The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do." James 3:5. Also, take care of how you talk to yourself, you are listening but so are others - it's often how they determine how they'll treat you, by how you speak to and of yourself. "Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out." Also remember, "no matter how carefully you choose your words, they still end up being twisted by others." And here's my favorite:
"Before you say something, think how you'd feel if someone said it to you."
How many times have you said something, and the moment it escaped your lips, you wanted to kick yourself? What's worse - oh, I don't know - how about watching the person's face contort into an expression of pain and then disgust? YEP - once it's out there - you can't un-ring that bell. Forget that you were using the wrong word, the wrong adjective, a verb instead of a noun or vice-versa, grammatically - you've had a truly bad day. None of that matters at ALL, you've just said something so incredibly offensive to someone, they're considering kicking your ass. At least the look on their face, alludes to it. Oh you're so screwed... and there's No take backs! You're going to eat crow my friend, and if you value that person at all, you're going to apologize and apologize and apologize. What's that - you didn't mean to say it? Wrong word? Who.... cares? The offendee is now looking at you, like you've just taken a Louisville Slugger to their knee caps. You are now a piece of poop on the bottom of their favorite pair of shoes.
It happens more than we want to admit. Truth is, we don't think before we speak. All of us, talking over each other and not listening and just not using our ears in proportion to our mouths. Our words or the implications in our phrasing can be incredibly offensive and biting. The quick-witted and sarcastic are the worst (sorry) or should I say the best at this. I'm so flawed and fallible here, but hey - we all stumble and fall. And isn't it funny how we all want to point a finger when we are on the receiving end of this? None of us wants to be in that hot seat. Seriously, when you realize you've hurt someone you didn't intend to hurt, there are NO words to explain it away or say you're sorry. You have to look them in their eyes, knowing you caused that pain. They will not hear anything other than those biting words in their head. They're hurt, you did it and now they've shut down the line of communication, they look at you - but they're looking right through you. All you can do is suck it up and listen when the floodgates open.
You know you never meant to hurt that person, (and how can they not see that?) but now you will be brow-beaten (even by yourself) and/or given the cold shoulder. And this is what's called fair-play. How dare you get upset and ba-jiggity because you want to fix this and you're trying to make them understand you didn't mean to hurt them. You've apologized a dozen times and they still won't talk to you, so now, you've exacerbated the situation because - you're only thinking of yourself!!!? Wait, what?! Yes, of course, me groveling and apologizing hundreds of times, struggling feverishly to understand and fix things or get you to talk to me, or actually look at me without looking through me, is now also offensive?
Glass Houses. We are all guilty! Long gone are days of childish ways "sticks n stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me?" Our words are like daggers, how sharp and mighty is the tongue! Everyone's level of sensitivity varies on any given day. I don't know about you, but I'm not psychic. I am, however, a firm believer in tact and... in truths. Attempting to make everyone happy and curbing my vocabulary, or changing my grammar and/or phrasing often proves difficult. No one - and I do mean - no one, is that good a social chameleon. And personally, I don't feel being politically correct necessitates walking on egg shells. You can not and will not please the masses. Any attempt to please those around you, negates you, you'll be flipping yourself in every direction except your own and sometimes it will all be for nothing. So be prepared, if you make that sacrifice - the other person owes you - nothing! SO careful with how you project your expectations, you're going to be disappointed. And the other person shouldn't be obligated to apologize for your expectations.
If people love you, they will love you and accept your flaws. Should I be the one to put duct tape on my mouth or change my behavior? Most of the people I know and love don't stop to consider my feelings? They just spit stuff out at me. They don't tread carefully to ensure I'm not offended, oh no, no, no - they do and say what pleases them. Whether in the hopes that we are on the same wavelength or that it won't bother me, or that I'll become enlightened. So the manner in which they speak to me, is sometimes self-righteous and indignant. Flip the script, if I speak to them like they speak to me - Hell will open up!! If I say and do nothing, they continue to do this... if I broach the subject then I'm being argumentative and don't take constructive criticism well. It doesn't matter what I do, some people will just never consider your feelings, and they will never be happy. They will continue to speak their mind for the sake of giving an over-inflated opinion (or to coin their phrase - 'the truth'). I take and tolerate way more than I should because I love these people. But my patience continues to wear thin.
So many questions immediately come to mind, this 'misspoken words' thing is so connected to so many things, it's a multi-level subject, it truly is so much bigger than just a misspoken word!!
I'm not a sadist, I'm not into humiliating people, I don't go out of my way to embarrass you I don't enjoy seeing people I love, let alone those I just like, squirm. I don't have an innate need to make people feel inferior to me. I'm not condescending, even when I am the expert on the subject. It's not who I am, I don't get off on the pain, belittlement or suffering of others. I don't like to put people down to make myself feel better. The last thing in the world I want is for people to feel uncomfortable around me. I don't wake up and decide, hey I'm going to be a bitch today, then set out to hurt someone I love. I'll admit, maybe in a fit of anger, a heated argument, we exchange some pretty biting words or get in some unnecessary digs to get the other's attention, but the weight of that is so heavy with regret - it bogs down my soul. If I've hurt your feelings, and you know.... me, then I would hope you would know better than to think I'd intentionally hurt you.
What's difficult to explain here is; my level of sensitivity and the fact that I struggle to remain non-judgmental means I carry and use a filter and/or tact more than most people. I would even wager money on that. I may have opinions, but even then, I take heed to curb what I say. Trust me, I will get the lay of the land, pay attention to who may or may not be listening and then yes, as fast or as slow as my mind will move, I will then proceed to open my mouth. However, I've just offended you, I was "out of line".
I'm spinning now and in a state of confusion, I don't always call people out when they've said something nasty to me - none of that matters now, my negligence has become very costly. Yes - go ahead, call me out on it so I don't do it again, but don't belabor it. I'm much like a child, I'm too honest and my overzealous mind and quick mouth put me here, next time I should sputter and stammer a bit more, because I truly didn't mean to hurt you.
You need time to process something I said? So, does that constitute thereby negating any communication and going all icy cold on me? Trust me, I feel it, the air is rife with your glacial attitude - I'm talking, but you're not hearing a word I say. The look on your face speaks of disdain and disgust. You won't talk about it though, not yet. Here's where I question if you're really toiling over how to have this discussion. Right or wrong, my frustration is on the rise because you won't talk to me. I'm now in my own head and I start to think you're belaboring it on purpose to make me grovel...but why would you do that?
When you believe you're being attacked, you don't stop or pause to think. When something strikes us a certain way, we immediately think it personal, dismissing any and all other positivity. We are all guilty of jumping to conclusions. It's easy for things to come undone and unravel after that. Retrospect. We've essentially gone from 0 to 60 in less than a fraction of a second. On the other end of the spectrum, I could also say - if everyone stops trying to finish sentences for people and simply listened and we weren't all waiting for the person to stop talking so we can interrupt and say what we want, maybe if we just listened... than maybe words would not have as much power over us. Predicting what someone is going to say in your own head is not listening. Listening could be the answer here, it could save a lot of heartbreak and misunderstanding.
All I can say is take heed, "Be careful with your words. Once they are spoken, they can only be forgiven - not forgotten." They will remain with that person or with you, no explanation or apology can stop the way those words were heard. "If the words we spoke appeared on our skin, would we still be beautiful?" "The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do." James 3:5. Also, take care of how you talk to yourself, you are listening but so are others - it's often how they determine how they'll treat you, by how you speak to and of yourself. "Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out." Also remember, "no matter how carefully you choose your words, they still end up being twisted by others." And here's my favorite:
"Before you say something, think how you'd feel if someone said it to you."
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