Sounding off...

It can take a little time to figure things out. Sometimes a good swift kick in the arse, is needed. It must be my week for a beat-down, because my arse is sore. I've lost touch writing, I had writer's block. Of course, it's not like anyone follows this anyway - what like 2 people? I've often wondered if dating and relationship advice is something I should be doling out. Then it hit me, I'm not really telling or saying anything that everyone hasn't already thought or talked about. (uhm, except for a few excerpts/blogs that may have been a bit personal) I'd like to think of myself as a voice for many. Why do I feel like I'm entitled to this, you ask? Perhaps far too many people confide in me and share very personal aspects of their lives and relationships. It's not necessarily that I offer advice, most of the time - I try to let them vent or help them to see all sides so they can make a better choice or suggest introspection for what may plaque their heart. And no subject matter can ever be taboo with me. Maybe people feel more comfortable telling me these things because I respect each of us has an opinion. And for some reason we as people feel entitled to opinions. Last several months, have been exhausting. I've strolled down memory lane, created a plethora (*sic The Three Amigos) of new memories and well life has been happening all around me. Some of it grandiose and some of it horrible and humiliating - but I believe that's always been my path. Sadly. Perhaps, all of ours - if we don't experience the bad, how can we know the good? For the first time, in a very long time - I'm able to write - but I'm also struggling through some the most difficult emotions in my life. Work, love, parenthood, blah, blah, blah. I have a very dark, very hollow nothingness inside. And even though I have faith enough in me and in the people that love me to know I'll get through it, it's very painful. Seems like there's a domino effect going on in my life or is it the butterfly effect? I keep searching for answers, that I likely already have locked somewhere in the cob-webbed corners of my ever growing distant mind. Forced to re-structure and re-build my life isn't easy. I apologize as I talk myself through it. The range of emotions has me feeling like an insecure teen. And it's not even so much that as much as it is - I need a renewed faith. People come and go in our lives. It can be taxing, not just on ourselves but the people that support us. I just hope and pray - when it all passes - I don't lose more people. This was a complete shock, rather blind-sided. Sure I thought in a far, far world it was possible, but I never truly imagined it could actually happen. Delusions of grandeur. That eternal optimism biting me on the bottom. That double-edged thing called hope. And just like the storybooks and movies and TV say - life turns around and knocks you completely on your ass. Like anything and everything in my life, I believe it all serves a purpose and God only gives us what he thinks we can handle. I always find my way. Either with or without a little help. I piss people off, because everyone wants to give advice. I'm not one to follow it, just because you gave it to me. And particularly if it's unsolicited. That almost immediately negates it. But when I ask, and it won't be often, it's usually because I need a fresh set of wise eyes. Don't be mad if I don't do as I'm told. That's just my way. I may simply interpret or incorporate it into my own thing. That's me. And you either like me or you don't. The odds are stacked against me at this point. But at least, I'm writing again.