Once bitten...

It's been a tough week. Things went from bad to worse and quickly. One moment he was sweet and affectionate and caring, then after a weekend with the boys and a "surprise double blind date" everything changed.

First, I'd like to just say, why would your friends hook you up on a blind date if they knew you were seeing someone? Guess I wasn't much to talk about when it came to that crowd? Second, if you were so upset and mad about going on the blind date, why'd you go? Lies...And if she was throwing herself at you why didn't you just take advantage? Evidently, you felt you had no obligation to me. Afterall, I'm nothing more than a friend chasing after you?? Ugh! I can't even begin to tell you how much that one hurt. Yeah, some friend...a person you could confide in and share intimate secrets and have sex with but somehow I was just a noose around your neck? Oh Thank God I was there, when you needed me, but now that you don't you feel compelled enough to discard me, cut me completely out of your life? Some friend!

I've been through so many emotions this week, it's been a roller-coaster ride. Pain, anger, disbelief, anxiety, and bewilderment.

You know, at first I started to think it was something I did. But I know I didn't do anything to deserve any of this. The greatest loss is the friendship. Because few people understood what was going on and few people seemed to care, but I did.

Once bitten, twice shy...recovering from this is turning into hell.

You're Hot then You're Cold

It's a little like a Katy Perry song, to be honest. One moment it's hot, the next it's ice cold. So much up and down and no sense of security or feeling of whether a connection is even still there. I'm left without clues, no calls, no texts, no conversation that might lead to where this is going. I feel completely pushed away. An act of desperation though not clear as to the why. I feel disrespected. Left to my own devices, thoughts and resolutions ain't always pretty for me, but I am a survivor. Make no mistake about it!

"Love is ecstacy and agony. Freedom and imprisonment. Belonging and loneliness. It is what keeps us together when life tears us apart."

Isn't it interesting how when you pick someone's brain on the subject of dating you can learn something new? Friend of mine has finally stepped out of a funk. She was in a difficult relationship that was going nowhere. She decided to let go and it was very painful, it took some time to grieve. Now the sun is shining, she is vibrant and full of life and even stepping "outside the box" (inside joke). She met a guy that tickled her fancy, so she decided she'd attempt to get his attention. She did, and even though she decided against the idea of further pursuit, once she learned more about him, it was a truly exciting moment. She is incredibly shy so this was a big deal. Now, with a fresh perspective and confidence - I believe she will find what she is looking for and I can't wait to see her happy.

Sometimes you have to open yourself up to possibility of love in order for it to find you.

Preoccupied

My dating life has been pretty non-existent. I had some uber important tasks to accomplish, now things are settled. It's time to shake things up a bit.

A friend of mine calls me "HDT" Hot Date Thursday, alas no hot dates to share. My latest has also been preoccupied and sadly things have simmered down. We still talk and occasionally rendezvous for a pleasant distraction, but I fear he's lost that lovin feelin. I say lovin loosely because for as much as I enjoy nostalgia and romanticising everything...it is what it is. Chockin this one up to I was ready for the next level, and shocking - he wasn't! I stuck it out long enough and sadly will have to let it go. I want someone that has a genuine interest in me. He's a wonderful guy, I wish it could've lived up to it's potential. I'm very sad about this decision, but I have to be taken seriously.

So much to tell, OH no worries...I committed myself to blogging and while there have been a few hiccups, I intend to see this to the end. The juicy news to share isn't about me, but that's why I started this blog, and for the moment no one can vicariously live through me...in retrospect, I'm happy to be the vessel of communication.