Stitching

Careful 

I’ve been 

Ripped apart 

Too many times

The stitching is loose

The cage is broken 

My heart is weak

Anemic it weeps

Scarlet stuffing 

She is

Exhausted 

Red Leader Rogue

Red leader has gone rogue.

Over.

I have been distracted by the idea of the ordinary. The daily struggle I half heartedly resisted. 

I’ve been living in a dystopian world. Working from home. It’s not real. Having a drink, walking the dog, doing laundry and taking care of people you couldn’t help before, but now you can help yourself whenever you want. 

Mostly, just fucking working. Working our asses off, more than we ever did when going into our 9to5’s. Loosely trying to help the masses, and trying to appease those looking down their noses. No big brother looking over our shoulder?

Pfft. Please. 

While the world shut down and most everyone buried themselves in work, posting about drinking and posting about how bothered we are by having to educate our own kids, when really we’re just catching up on all the shows we’ve missed - we’ve run the gambit. 

Cashing in paychecks and getting “honey-do” lists done, whining whilst cashing in without working at all. 

We are so focused on not being focused at all.

We were and are a country divided. 

Taking abuse from those mad at the broken system or imposing our own betrayals lost on our misprinted lies we tell ourselves. 

The brunt of what we face is something no other generation has lived through before.

So. Fucking. What.

We are spoiled. We have everything at our fingertips, yet rarely are we satisfied, always wanting more and constantly remarking on our achievements or ability to bounce back from bad situations we created for ourselves.

We take family and freedom for granted, and claim to want not, it too will be used against us.

Precedents. 

That’s the word everyone throws around. 

We all lose. 

We all die. 

We are all assholes.

We are all so self absorbed in our own lives, we forget compassion and kindness. Yet, try to build empires printing inspirational quotes on coffee mugs and tshirts. 

We carry our phones like we will die if not for immediate false gratification on notifications to stroke our egos and an insatiable need for the outside world to love us. We wreak of desperation, we will do anything at the cost of believing we can have just that one relationship where someone accepts who we think we are, and the notion that we will somehow be content and happy. 

Pfft. Please - we don’t even trust ourselves. 

This doesn’t start or end on any particular place of the timeline, we are Generations of fucking egotistical people obsessed with the idea of being loved,  understood and getting it right. Boasting of living our best lives, while hiding all our truths.

We all carry our own scales of justice and judgment, peeking through our blindfolds. 

The downward spiral. The loss of attention. The anguish and despair.

The changelings. 

I don’t know what the fuck I am doing or what’s going on. I am completely unprepared for a zombie apocalypse, or loss of our digital world wide web access.

We are too selfish. Even the exceptionally intelligent and uncommonly kind. Even the jokers. 

We are lost. 

There is no saving who doesn’t want or cant be saved. 

Especially when we are all too busy letting go and moving on. No one holds on anymore, no one, not while pretending to move on. 

7 billion dysfunctional people grasping at an illusion that we are all each extraordinary, yet all the same person with varying degrees of completely fucked up coping mechanisms. 

The angels that are left - don’t even believe that they belong.

Maybe there is a hope still, in the innocence of our youth.  But. The world is too busy destroying the next generation. Criticizing and pushing them to get things right where we failed. 

Listen. Don’t judge us. You don’t know what we were going through when we made those choices, campaigns.

Does anyone still hold themselves accountable?

No one does anything right. 

Fuck this. Fuck that. Fucking fuck sacrifice.

Seems the only ones to get anywhere are the merciless. 

So let’s all follow and turn a blind eye to the loss of character and integrity and just do and say whatever we want, not giving a second thought to our words and actions.

There are no victims of circumstance, it’s all of our own doing. We write our own books, and tear out the pages we don’t like. It doesn’t change the story, it just changes the story for the reader. We cannot run away from ourselves, there are too many mirrors in this world. Too many addictions, too many concessions, too little compromise. We are all running our fastest to catch the crazy train, just so we can say that we missed it, or, got hit by it.

Run mutherfuckers. Run. Hurry the fuck up so you can stand so very still.

What legacy can you leave behind in this world right now that would make any difference? What glimmer of hope are you unselfishly leaving behind?

It should be those in service of humanity, along with the poets and artists that save us. 

If it is, then this would be worth writing. I am no artist, I am no poet, I am no soldier.

Perhaps it’s my want to be any, that has solicited some hope. 

It’s all cyclical. 

No one is safe from death. Yet it’s all we fear. 

Don’t fear the reaper.

What about the love?

What about the hope?

What about the now?

Fuck it! 

I’ve gone rogue, mutherfuckers. 

Red leader out. 

Over.

Necessities

They don’t know you like I do, how could they?

Those big brown eyes and long lashes that swallow people whole

That energy and vibe that spring life into the soul

You’re absolutely fearless

A perfectionist at heart

With notes of floral blossoms 

And your lust for life and wisdom to impart

You stand by your convictions 

And wear your loyalty on your sleeve

You fight for those you love

Without the luxury of being naive

You are my inspiration 

A fighter with a fragile kind heart

You will always be my little girl

Without you I’d fall apart

What I deserve is the truth

Want to know what I don't understand. Probably not, but I am going to tell you anyway. 

You say I deserve all this love.

It's easier to live with the unsettling truth, then to buy into something you think I want to hear. 

This. This kind of bullshit breaks my heart. I would rather have been told you found someone else. Tell me you don’t love me and don’t want me in your life. Just be fucking real with me and allow me closure. 

The truth I can live with. It’s the white noise and dishonesty I cannot abide.

funny how you find yourself 

somewhere in the middle 

only after reaching the end

and starting at the beginning 

knowing you were there all along

Tender

Twilight lingers tenderly in haunting eyes, while wolves patrol the shallows anticipating the spoils. 

Intensity drips from their gaze and undresses the night with unspoken words seemingly whispered in crashing waves.

Darkness howls like quiet moonlights and heavy sunsets.

Like a fire that weeps endlessly between moans and hungry kisses beckoning more, more, more.

Favor me

lace me up in scantily adorned verse

breathing in butterflies

and gasping for air