How’s the weather?

Sometimes I tend to over explain myself to people who too often, just don’t care. Even when they asked me the question. This is terribly frustrating how easily I get manipulated into thinking I owe any response at all.

It’s generally the same handful of people. It’s years of conditioning, from how I was raised or an environment I stayed in too long. Whatever the reason, I still feel compelled to respond this way. 

I have been working on undoing this behavior for years. I practice saying no.. a lot. Though I will still find myself explaining why and then have to stop. I practice not answering at all, but avoidance is just as depleting. I don’t know whether this inclination to over explain will ever go away.

So when I talk to someone that does care, and they acknowledge me, I simply do not know what to do with myself, and I can often get quiet. 

I am not a quiet person I like to talk, I like to ask questions. I am naturally curious, but the little voice inside me starts to wonder am I putting this person in a position where they feel the need to explain themselves. Am I perpetuating the same awful behavior?

I also get quiet because I overthink as I am talking, and that’s when I let the conversation fall flat. I wonder am I too much? Am I making them uncomfortable, am I annoying? Or maybe they made me feel like I have to be in my head to have this conversation and why..?

The reality is, most people won’t know what to do or how to converse with me. Some may say I ask too many questions or that I push back on their answers and ask a dozen more. I have been told talking to me can feel a lot like a cross examination. 

Years of self help and reading and comprehension sit with me. I scoured for answers or ways to dim the behavior. The reality is, I’ve gotten so good at my over explaining that I tend to keep asking questions and nudging the truth forward until I get complete responses. I just want complete logical answers that make sense. 

So I find the hole in the response and I will keep picking at it like a scab until it bleeds.

It’s exhausting. But so is catching someone in a lie, when I am one of the few people that anyone can be honest with. You tell me how easy it would be to not always over explain yourself or needle questions until finally exposing the truth and getting answers that make sense. 

Breaking the cycle takes work. And I put that heavily on myself to stop over explaining and more importantly stop asking questions. No matter how you frame something if someone sets out to lie, they are going to lie. It doesn’t matter if you made it a safe space for transparency. 

So yeah, now I’m not so very good at navigating conversation with them anymore. I just let people say what they’re going to say, I let them make fools of themselves. It’s much easier than trying to wrangle the truth.

Being fully self aware I know I can’t avoid when I can see through bullshit, so now I just ask yes or no questions and let the conversation painfully be small talk. I don’t do small talk, so I will also leave the conversation mid sentence. 

I get to choose who I converse with so I don’t have to over explain or pry the truth from, with a simple question. It’s liberating to know I can just be myself and have deep conversations and thoughts that evoke healthy emotions with someone that actually respects me. 

Anyway, how’s the weather?