the Yearning...

https://youtu.be/bR5u9jb0PJE

Craving
Desiring
Aching
Hungering
Pining
Lusting
Tingling
Smoldering
Stirring
Enticing
Throbbing
Biting
Breathtaking
Arousing
Stimulating
Fluttering
Trembling
Shaking
Shivering
Flushed
Fevered
Flustered
Mystified
Joy
 

it was only a kiss...

That first kiss between two people that eventually become lovers.  Think about it.  Insert your memories - reminisce to the most amazing kiss or for that matter any kiss you've ever had.  How did it make you feel?  High?  Drunk?  Were you feverish?  Did your cheeks flush a lovely crimson red?  Were powerful sensations raging through your body?  Did you ache inside?  Did it stir you?  Was there music?  Or silence?  Did the world around you cease to exist?  Could you feel the other person truly touch you with their kiss?  Were their lips soft and moist?  Was it the invitation you had so hoped it would be?

I love kissing.  I mean I absolutely love, love, love, kissing.  It is one of the best parts of intimacy, it can even be the most exciting or satisfying.  It's the precursor for everything.  It's how you know if there's chemistry.  It's how you know if the person kissing you is going to excite and elicit desire and waken you.  It's delicious and yummy and it takes you to a whole other place.  And if the kiss melts you, I believe everything else that follows or accompanies that kiss will also.  A kiss can change everything.  And for me, the kiss says it all. 

Kissing has got to be more than just a chemical reaction.  And there's so much more than just erotic kissing, kissing is how we express love, gratitude, sympathy, even a simple hello.  A kiss on the forehead or the cheek can hold a deeper meaning.  Kissing your child goodnight or seeing him off to school with just a little kiss on the cheek.  A child receives a message and it's not just affection from his parents or siblings or family but a reassurance of love.  In fact, it's said that affection can be the cause of kissing.

But where did kissing come from?  When did it originate?  Who was the first to figure it out?  Anthropologists are divided on the school of thought here...One, believing it is instinctual and intuitive. Two, that it evolved from kiss feeding. (a process used by mothers to feed their infants by passing chewed food to their babies' mouths) some 3,500 years ago.  The earliest record of a kiss or kissing like behavior was in Vedas, Sanskrit scriptures that informed on Hinduism, Buddhism and the Jain religion. (think Kama Sutra)  It's believed by some scholars that kissing spread quickly to other parts of the world after Alexander the Great and his army conquered parts of Punjab in Northern India in 326 BC.

"Both lip and tongue kissing are mentioned in the poetry by Sumer.
          My lips are too small, they know not to kiss.
          My precious sweet, lying by my heart,
          one by one "tonguemaking," one by one.
          When my sweet precious, my heart, had lain down too,
          each of them in turn kissing with the tongue, each in turn"

"Kissing is described in the surviving Ancient Egyptian love poetry from the New Kingdom, found on papyri excavated at Deir el-Medina:

Finally I will drink life from your lips
and wake up from this ever lasting sleep.

The wisdom of the earth in a kiss
and everything else in your eyes.

I kiss her before everyone
that they all may see my love.^[8]

And when her lips are pressed to mine
I am made drunk and need not wine.
When we kiss, and her warm lips half open,
I fly cloud-high without beer!

His kisses on my lips, my breast, my hair...
...Come! Come! Come! And kiss me when I die,
For life, compelling life, is in thy breath;
And at that kiss, though in the tomb I lie,
I will arise and break the bands of Death.^[9] "

"The earliest reference to kissing in the Old Testament is in Genesis 27:26, when Jacob deceives his father to obtain his blessing:
And his father Isaac said unto him, Come near now, and kiss me, my son.

Kissing is even used as ritual.  The kissing of a crucifix or Joan of Arc kissing the Sword of Liberation.  It ancient Rome a kiss served to seal agreements.  "sealed with a kiss".  The social status of a Roman citizen was determined by the part of the body on which he or she could kiss the emperor, from cheek to foot.  (how interesting is that?!!!)

Within the natural world of animals there are numerous analogies, notes Crawley, such as "the billing of birds, the cataglottism of pigeons and the antennal play of some insects." Even among higher animals such as the dog, cat and bear, similar behavior is noted."  Kissing is everywhere....

The kiss is so much more though.  It's a gateway drug!!!   Honestly, a kiss can be loving, comforting, awkward, intense, boring and even life-changing.  But more than all of it - listen to this... it's scientifically proven to reduce high blood pressure, burns calories, fights cavities, help get rid of cramps and headaches, boosts self-esteem and releases happy hormones, it even helps by giving a pseudo-facelift because of all the facial muscles you use. 

During a kiss, natural antibiotics are secreted in the saliva. Saliva also contains a natural anesthetic that helps relieve pain.  Do you know what this tells me?  It tells me just how good kissing truly is...

"A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous."  Ingrid Bergman

"I didn't want to kiss you goodbye - that was the trouble - I wanted to kiss you goodnight. And there's a lot of difference."  Ernest Hemingway

"Ancient lovers believed that a kiss would literally unite their souls, because the spirit was said to be carried in one's breath."  Eve Glickman

"Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they're already asleep."  H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"Kissing is like real estate.  Location, Location, Location."  Anonymous

"A man's kiss is his signature." Mae West

"If you think of me out of the blue, it's all the kisses I've blown catching up to you."  Anonymous

"A man had given all other bliss,
And all his worldly worth for this,
To waste his whole heart in one kiss
Upon her perfect lips."
Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Now...what with all the songs, poems, stories through-out history that stands to celebrate the illustrious kiss??  Kissing is truly worth celebrating on multiple levels for a multitude of reasons.  So go ahead, kiss as often as you can.  There's just far too many reasons why you should...

 ^ Kramer, Samuel Noah (1981). History Begins at Sumer (3rd revised. ed.). Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press. pp. 72ff. ISBN 978-0812212761.
 ^ "Ancient Poetry". TheMagentaHornet.com. 

 ^ "Love Poetry of the World (Egyptian)".

^ "Health Benefits of Kissing".
Homer, Iliad, Bk. 24. Trans. Samuel Butler.Herodotus, Histories 1.134.
Herodotus, An Account of Egypt.
 

Ardor...

Stay your lips
Let them linger
Delicate and ample
Time hushed by quiet
Essence abound
Lavish ambrosia
Ambitious and thirsty
Lush and splendid
Fingertips anxious
Grazing taut skin
Drawing ever closer
Capable and dexterous
Attentive shadows
Devouring fire
Merciless

 

"She howls at midnight. Mist drifts from her singing jaws. Starlight hits the snow."

“A wise old owl sat on an oak; The more he saw the less he spoke; The less he spoke the more he heard; Why aren’t we like that wise old bird?”  Unknown

"Let the spirit out - Discard all thoughts of reward, all hopes of praise and fears of blame, all awareness of one's bodily self.  And, finally closing the avenues of sense perception, let the spirit out, as it will."  Bruce Lee

"A tiger does not need to boast that it is a tiger."  Nigerian Proverb

"Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage.  The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict."  William Ellery Channing

"Listen to the wind, it talks.  Listen to the silence, it speaks.  Listen to your heart, it knows."  Native American Proverb

"May your spirit soar throughout the vast cathedral of your being.  May your mind whirl joyful cartwheels of creativity.  May your heart sing sweet lullabies of timelessness."  Jonathon Lockwood Huie

"Tyger, Tyger, burning bright, In the forests of the night; What immortal hand or eye, Could frame thy fearful symmetry?"  William Blake

"Maybe you have to know the darkness, before you can appreciate the light."  Madeleine L'Engle

"Music gives a soul to the Universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything."  Plato

"Religion is for people that are afraid of going to hell, Spirituality is for those that have already been there."  Vine Deloria, Sioux

"The rain to the wind said, 'You push and I'll pelt'.  They so smote the garden bed, That the flowers actually knelt, And lay lodged - though not dead. I know how the flowers felt."  Robert Frost

"People who lean on logic and philosophy and rational exposition end by starving the best part of the mind."  W.B. Yeats

"My last meal?  The food would be much less significant, than the company."  Mario Batali

Telepathic Lust?

https://youtu.be/FFOzayDpWoI
Intriguing article, I don't recall how I happened across it.  Still, there was no way I'd pass up reading it, not with a title like,  'Lust Telepathy: An Unexplored Psychological Phenomenon', how could I resist?

Needing to cogitate on the power lust has over us.  I spoiled myself!  Lust Telepathy is described as an addiction that is triggered by our brains, rivaling the use of amphetamines and/or snorting a bag of cocaine.  WOW - that's some powerful stuff!  (Mind you brain scans were done during this study, so let's take a few moments to appreciate how they may have recruited)

On to that effervescent honeymoon phase, where all you want to do is entertain risqué adult behavior with every single opportunity that presents itself.  It's all either of you can think about.  It's all consuming.  This is where the psychology comes in to play - 'Hyper-Attunement' is the terminology used for this telepathic connection.  You're thinking of them, when they're thinking of you.  A mutual bonding implies there's magic attached with the connection.  The intensity of this bond, is similar to that of the high when using drugs. 

Then there's a release of hormones that "quell" this glee and prep or catapult us into the next phase of the relationship(staying power).  The tie that binds for some couples and/or the end for others.  Let me throw a little of my own ideology at you - this is where we say, "the honeymoon phase is over."  Some couples will go on and maintain a healthy sex life for a period of time, allowing a natural death for this telepathic lust (the other party or both parties lose the 'magic' ability to read the other's mind).  Some couples will go on to explore beyond this phase (freaks, but no judgment here).  And then, some couples will move into a more comfortable phase, I like to call this - nesting.  This doesn't mean the sex is any less intoxicating or thrilling, however I do believe there's more rooted to this connection, and it goes much deeper than the inordinate pleasures of sexual activities. 

Lust is 'your' need to satisfy your 'own' desire. 
Lust:  noun 1. intense sexual desire or appetite. 2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness. 3. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually followed by for): a lust for power.4. ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish: an enviable lust for life. 5. Obsolete. pleasure or delight. desire; inclination; wish. verb (used without object) 6. to have intense sexual desire. 7. to have a yearning or desire; have a strong or excessive craving (often followed by for or after).

 

Sometimes, the right person happens along and it all magically comes together so you're working synonymously with the same vigor and enthusiasm.  This is not love, my friends.  And if you're addicted to this phase - you're a lust addict.  Lust is a need to satisfy your own carnal desire.  The elation you feel is because you found someone on the same page - equally attracted and equally satiating.  It is very compelling, because we all know, it doesn't happen all the time.  Certain people just possess that chemical and psychological make up that pairs perfectly with you.  Creating passion, desire and lust with unparalleled emotions. 

Perhaps, this is why so many people believe they've fallen in love?   Or hold on tight to that one partner that 'rocks their world'.  We're all guilty....

I think this may be just another form of projection. (think of the scene in '40 Days and 40 Nights', Josh Hartnett is in the street and all he can see is naked and half naked women everywhere. His brain is saturated with the single solitary thought of sex).  So our thoughts become consumed by sexual desire and therefore everything that we hear or see also becomes relative to sex. 

Our sexual encounter with this individual was bliss, we want more, and so do they - it's coincidental projection.  Both parties are uniformly projecting a heightened compulsion (if you will) to engage in lusty, delightful, sexual cravings.  It is a phenomena.  You become addicted to the rush, the connection, the chemistry, the smell, the taste, the euphoria.  Not only is the coitus powerful, but the sparks flying behind the magnitude of this feeling build-up and are stacked against you.  Chemistry does not lie.  Desire, Lust, Fervor.

How long are you able to practice restraint?  Can you refrain from indulging in this exquisite treat and addictive natural drug?   Maybe.  But honestly, why on earth would you ever want to resist?


article reference: Dr. Belisa Vranich Clinical Psychologist; Author, 'Breathe: 14 days to Oxygenating, Recharging, and Fueling Your Body & Brain'; Advisory Board Member, The Hope & Grace Initiative...The HuffPost. Healthy Living. The Blog. Lust Telepathy: An Unexplored Psychological Phenomena

Love: What is it to You?

“The Heart is a lonely hunter with only one desire! To find some lasting comfort in the arms of another's fire...driven by a desperate hunger to the arms of a neon light, the heart is a lonely hunter when there's no sign of love in sight!”

Carson McCullers - The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

Love is a universal language.  We all long for it.  We all find ourselves scampering around looking for new and creative ways to show we love someone.  We spend billions of dollars on things that revolve around the idea of love.  But love is not a thing.  Love is communicated through respect, tolerance, understanding, compassion, trust, faith and service.  It's within our core, the palpability is found in silence, touch, grace, gifts, compliments and attitude.

Can it be unconditional?  Is love separate from passion?  Is it a spiritual feeling?  Could it be considered a psychological or physiological feeling? 

"the biology of attachment. We know that a suite of hormones and neurotransmitters (including oxytocin, vasopressin, prolactin, testosterone, dopamine, etc…) are involved in developing and maintaining physiological bonds between mothers and infants and fathers and infants. This system also functions in the same way between adults.  The system is triggered by physical touch, spending intense social time in contact or near one another, and positive social interactions. Humans have evolved a system that uses social and physical interactions, hormones, and the brain, to prime the body to feel closer and more attached to another individual.  In the most basic sense this is the same system common across mammals."

For me, love means so many different things.  I can find something to love in just about anyone.  I have also learned that I fall in love easily and often.  I have learned that when I was younger, I believed I would find 'one special person' and spend my life loving only that person.  Truth be told, that's not at all the truth of my life or who I am.  Don't worry, I'm not going to break out into song "To all the men I've loved before..."  ... I've been married, I've been engaged, and I've dated (I loathe dating).  ...I was never meant to be monogamous to one person my whole life, even if it was what I wanted.  Even if at times, its still what I want.  Life happens.  Time, experience, things and people change and the way we see and feel about someone can change.  I will always love the people I have loved, but I will never love them, again, the way I loved them.  I would never dishonor myself by saying I didn't still love or care for the people I've loved.  I live my life with no regrets.  So even the most painful loves will remain in my heart.  I know that I'm capable of great love. 

All kinds of love. Selfless love.  Sacrificial love.  Virtuous love.  Ingratiating love.  Deferential love.  Romantic love.  Congenial love.  Dutiful love.  Erotic, nostalgic, even whimsical love.  I conclude that there are so many types and ways to love.  But for me, giving love is one of the greatest emotional, chemical and spiritual feelings.

"Humans have extensive social pair bonding across genders and age categories, probably more than any other species. Humans have both social and sexual pair bonds, and the two are not necessarily connected.  We can have social pair bonds with our relatives[v] and our closest friends, they can be with same-sex individuals or different sex individuals, same-age or different ages. Humans are also unique in having sexual pair bonds both heterosexually and homosexually[vi].  Our sexual pair bonding, like our sexual activity, is not limited to reproduction."

I've learned to accept that the real joy of love, has been in the giving of my heart and giving of my love.  I accept that my heart is full and able to love with no boundaries.  I used to think it was bad for me to fall in love with so many people so easily.  Allow me to clarify... I don't have an infinite succession of lovers, I fall in love with friends and family too, recently I find I enjoy being alone.  I need my space or I suffocate.  I want to love others with everything I have but I don't want to suffocate people, either.  I love my family and my kids and my friends and each and every person enriches my life in some way or another.  I find greater joy in positive things and oft feel like a hippie. Whatever - I'm just full of love!

.."most people want “love” between romantic pairs to be something different. Culturally we see romantic love as separate from familial or friendship love.  Unfortunately, aside from a slightly different pattern of some specific hormones brought about by sexual behavior, there is nothing truly different about romantic love than any other kinds of love.  Biologically speaking that is. Of course there are various different psychological and social elements involved, as well as religious ones, in what people see and experience as romantic love. However, the myth that romantic love is essentially (biologically) different from other types of strong attachment is created and maintained by cultural beliefs and our world views, not our biology."

Unconditional love does exist.  I've found it primarily exists for me, as a Mother.  It is the greatest love I know.  I know that I will never know what it's like to be loved unconditionally.  That statement may hurt people.  I want to say I'm sorry, it's honesty and it's how I feel.  Will I ever truly experience an unconditional love?  I've come incredibly close.  I'm truly grateful that I've had so much love in my life. 

"Love is not a thing or a pattern.  It is simply a word that we use to gloss over the amazingly diverse, complex, and even messy, realities of human relationships. And as always, being human is much more interesting than that."

Looking back, I thought there were times where I had loved more than the other person loved me.  And then there were times where they loved me more than I loved them.  It was all true.  We are all unique.  I'm not saying you're special, I'm not saying you aren't special.  I am saying we all feel things differently.  Sometimes we feel things at the same moment as the other person - and that is an incredibly powerful moment.  Perhaps, it's what we are constantly seeking.  Or maybe we are simply looking for a constant love.  I know this much, I can't expect that I will receive unconditional love if I'm not giving it.  I can't expect to know love, if I don't leave myself open and vulnerable to both that glorious moment and or the pain that might follow - I will never know the magnitude love has... and for me, I don't want to live a safe boring loveless life.  I'd rather know great love and great pain.  I'll always put myself out there, ready to face the all too painful rejection.  And ready to face the tremendous reward of love.  We are all flawed people.  Flawed and beautiful.  And we all long to be loved and to love...

[i] Walter Goldschmidt (2005) The Bridge to Humanity: How Affect Hunger Trumps the Selfish Gene Oxford University Press
[ii] This notion is increasingly popular in studies of human evolution. For an overview of these ideas see Fuentes, A. (2009) Evolution of Human Behavior, Oxford University Press.
[iii] Agustin Fuentes (2012) What Is Love? Psychology Today.