I was lost in a fever dream last night 

He kept growling something so sweetly in my ear

what was it, what you said, I beg you to do it again..

A wish for him to want to look at me and forever be thinking about ways of making me orgasm.

A wish for my guy to want to only see me, instead of spending all his time online liking selfies and sexy or naked images of women that are not me. 

That's the thing

The thing is 

it’s just so many things 

yet we reduce the collective significance 

until it’s just the one thing 

whether it’s because it isn’t anything 

or simply because 

it's too many things

we make it smaller 

to make ourselves smaller 

making us a little easier for others to digest 

somewhere we decided 

we're too burdensome for another soul 

or maybe it was the fear of being dismissed 

therefore, dismissing the reality 

that it's just so many things

We cling to that one thing that's replaced all the things, because we wanted someone to understand, we wanted them to stay, to not become bored, to not let go of our hand, to not look away. And when their reaction to the one thing just isn't. We suffocate under the weight of all the things. 

That thing - was all the things, we just didn't know how to tell you all the things without all the things spiralling into all the other things which also led to worrying you would worry too much or worse - you would let go of our hand. 

And that is why it's just so many things, because there is no one here holding my hand.  And that's the thing.