Full Moon

What is it about a full moon? Or was it timing? The moon added allure and magnetism to the evening, catapulting it so it surpassed other favorable evenings in terms of 'memorable'. It was almost surreal.

And then he asked for a kiss. He asked. Isn't that the sweetest thing? Next to the kiss, of curse. It made me think of one of my favorite quotes by Drew Barrymore..."Kissing-and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing - is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down."

Ahhh, romance - at last!

Changing Hearts

In the beginning she had all the control and he was chasing her. Their relationship was good but lacking something. She is a free spirit and got bored with being good, so she started going out a lot. He begged her to slow down. She put a marriage proposal on the table, she wanted the next step. (allow me to explain) She didn't actually propose, she simply said it's been 5 years I'll slow down when you put a ring on my finger.

Present day. She slowed down, she stopped going out (okay well not as much) he told her he'd marry her. And for a while all was bliss. She voiced her wants and he took to deep thought.

Now, he's joining the military and leaves for boot camp soon. He doesn't know if he wants to even be in a relationship or get married. (but he was sure before) She's having to put everthing back in her name. She's terrified. She loves him and hates him. She can't help but feel an overwhelming foreboding. He's cutting her out of his life.

Breaks my heart for her. And to think she changed for him and now he may be leaving her. NEVER, NEVER compromise who you are for anyone! People either love you and take you as you are or it's just not the right.

And did he ever really love her or did he just want to control her free spirit? Knowing he tamed it, did he lose interest?

Imperfections

My life is riddled with the tragic yet laughable epic failures of one relationship after another. I've played my role absurdly well in each. Despite my new found solitude, I'm feeling healthy, confident, sexy and smart, my self-depricating humor at an all time high, though every now again, I am unabashedly lonely. This is one of those moments. And what is that all about? I can be giddy as a school girl, content and reasonably happy under the premise that my life is in fact mine - but is it? I have no one to answer to, no one to apologize to, I can go where I want, when I want, and with whom I want - though recently a recluse.

So many of my friends go from one wretched relationship to another never taking a moment to breathe in between or they speed date through life never settling down. Then I have the friends that are holding out for the elusive ONE. (so many of us are victims of watching too many romantic comedies) So, I'm told if I don't want to be lonely (a spinster) than I need to date.

I absolutely loathe dating. It's such anthropological excrement...same old lines, same old everything. It's a sham, a cliche...always obscuring their true colors and ughhh now I've invested time and affections into some guy that's not even real. What? See how it's making me bitter and I'm not a bitter person. But this subject...

Sure, I could apply my eternal optimism towards dating hoping it will eventually pay off. Honestly, why bother? Is it so unfair to want a companion? What about having something in common to talk about? Music, movies, books, politics and religion (most tend to shy away from such subject matter, but I'm a curious kitty...I embrace and respect that all of us have an opinion) or current events? Does no one read anymore? What about a kick ass concert? Will no one challenge my mind?

So I'm resigned to the idea that it's not likely I will find a companion through a tainted and twisted ritual of lies and propaganda. Why can't anyone just be themselves anymore? We all have imperfections. I want to know your qualities and your imperfections. Just be you.