A lot like Love

I tried to hold onto water in my hands a few times; gripping as tightly as could to prevent spillage, and there was a few times it actually worked. I held it close cradling it, but eventually the water evaporated and I absorbed some of it and somehow the water became a part of me. 

Water taught me that I can’t hold on to everything, and I also can’t control everything. 

So I smile when water touches me, cleans me, nourishes me and yet still holds within it, the power of violence to drown and destroy me.

A lot like Love.

When they let you go, you have to find a way to be grateful they didn’t hold on. Yes it’s going to hurt, but you just let yourself feel that pain, you will find your strength.

First you will feel the cold changing you, your heart will shatter, and you will cut yourself on the jagged little pieces bloodstained and defeated at your feet. And you will tell yourself how you will never ever trust another living soul again. 

But you’ll plant gardens with beautiful flowers and plants, with the gleams piercing the cracks. Just let the light pour in and lovingly tend to your soul. You will make space again in your life for the better things coming. 

No one taught me how to carry a sword; I just picked it up one day and finally felt safe enough to make my own journey home.

I choose my playlist, 

drape my wrists 

around the steering wheel

and let the day escape me.

I give the best damned solo concert

on my way home from work.

~  a driving memoir

Unexpected Expected

The moment cold steel wedged deep between her delicate shoulders, was jarring. It was the unexpected expected. Though it was the agony of the infinite emotional bleed that followed that was more excruciating than her torn flesh. 

Grief followed the waves of reality; yet another had thrust their blade deep into the sinew of her spine.

It was always the same. She could never rest, she would always be looking over her shoulder; she would never be safe, no matter what foolish lies she wanted to believe.

Monsters

The truly brutal 

and dangerous monsters, 

rarely look 

like monsters at all!!

Safe

Forged in fire and flush with scars, she always carries her sword; she wasn’t just born for battle, she was skilled in the art of survival. She laughs with tears cascading down her cheeks, as she cuts you down and flays you open. 

What did you expect of her when you declared war? Did you think she would bow and live a life of servitude? 

Love has only ever been a battlefield. And she will always wage war if it means keeping her heart safe. 

It’s not always about being afraid of new love, dating or relationships, it’s more about the essence of old pain bubbling back up to the surface. 

what’s already yours

Scratching beneath the surface requires so little effort.

For this, you’ll have to dig deep.

You’ll have to be unshakable and draw from your best resource. 

For this, you’ll have to be fearless.

You’ll have to have moxie.

You’ll have to spit fire.

But you cannot always be 

all guts, and no glory.

You must take 

what’s already yours.

I am

I am the sea

I am the chaos and the calm

I am the ever changing tide

I am the riptide and the gulf stream

I am a drop in a vast ocean 

I am patiently waiting to be explored 

I am the depths and the shallows 

I am the wreck anchoring new life 

I am a ripple transform’d to waves

I am accosted by raging storms 

I am the glassy reflection of the sky

I am life and death

I am free to crash on rocks and sand

I am carried by the wind 

I am destruction

I am life