Recently I was solicited for some advice, from a man. Frustrated, he felt only a female could offer help, since none of the sage advice from fellow friends had remedied the issue. Albeit I was his last resort, but I was thrilled to present a more feminine perspective.
Sex in a relationship has it's highs and lows. It happens, but it doesn't mean the desire or the want or the need is gone. Sometimes we need a little push or an alternative view. Being a part of the situation can remove our own objectivity. Most people may be too ashamed or a non-believer in costly therapists or counselors. Close friends would be empowered by too much carnal knowledge and that can impose upon friendships and even the relationship, itself.
How do you get back a healthy sex life? First, try and evaluate the contributing factors to the problem. Time, responsibilities, children, work and more importantly romance. It's easy to love the one your with and put them on a pedestal. But do they know you still desire them or long for their touch? Have you truly conveyed how much you miss them? Saying let's get it on baby, just isn't gonna be a hit out of the park. Forget that - with everything that can invariably upset even the best laid plans - sometimes it just doesn't work out. A woman will not respond the way a man can. Men have an uncanny ability to have sex essentially anytime no matter what is going on, women don't, unfortunately.
Whether you're married for a few days or a few years, or you're in a healthy happy relationship - romance and desire have to factor in for both men and women. For women, if we can't attach ourselves or feel you're emotionally involved in the heat of the moment, forget it. Yes, we all love quickies and foreplay and when it's date night, you've already set aside some time hoping for the best. But when life overwhelms us and there's cleaning, cooking, laundry, homework, and preparing for the next day, maybe we're watching too many TV shows or movies - whatever the distraction - sadly, it's the last thing one might entertain. Truth is, a good portion of the motivation falls on the man. Don't be mad at me for the truth. (You likely made the first move when the relationship blossomed) If he wants it and she's too tired - then baby you better help her wake up. She's not going to stand to attention the way you can, when she bends over in a skirt. Women just don't work the same way.
Start simple. Run a bubble bath. Bathtime is an escape for most woman and she is going to appreciate a man that can appreciate she needs a few minutes alone with her fragrant bubbles and some hot water to feel alive and rejuvenate herself. The hot water makes her body temperature rise, she's naked, there are lots of bubbles and she is glistening clean. It's difficult to relay to a man just how wonderful this escape can be, but you get the picture. Massage her feet - I promise you, this can be rewarding. Sometimes the most pedicured feet can appear ugly when you're stressed and no woman is going to miss that kind of sacrifice. It is stimulating no matter how much you hate your feet. Massage her shoulders, all it takes a few minutes of loosening her up. Open a bottle of her favorite wine and pour her a glass. All she needs is the one glass, to start decompression from her day.
Women love men's hands. We LOVE them. To women they are symbolic of many things. Ask her to massage your hands. Tell her your hands cramped up today or you have a headache and you heard there are pressure points in the hands that help relieve tension(this is a fact, by the way). It feels incredible and it won't feel like an obligation since it doesn't require much. She won't even think of it as being sexual - at first. This works in your favor, trust me - a trade secret I'll be ousted from the female population for providing. If she starts massaging your hands, it will stir things in her. A reminder of your touch, your warmth, your msaculinity, your vulnerability, your strength and the power you possess to protect her and provide for her. This embodies emotion and incites desire in most women. How often have you held her hand and been reminded of her femininity?
Sufficed to say - the lull in my friend's sex life has greatly improved. He took a bit of my advice. Now they're managing on their own terms and incorporating their own ways to rekindle that fire. Sometimes to get that back that place, you have to get back to the beginning. Try to remember the first time you made her blush. If it's been a while, it just might work again. Go ahead make her blush.
